2012 DeLand Spring Fling of Cycling Road Race: Pre-Race Report

Here I am, on the eve of my very first cycling race.  I am prepared as I will ever be; I even took the aerobars off Ruby so she will look like a real road bike and not a tri-bike. 

I have little idea of what to expect tomorrow, but I do know that I am going into this with rested legs and MORE endurance than I need, and a good tolerance for racing in the red (Remember, I'm Only Getting Started, Go Hard or Go Home, and Pain Cave?) My coach(es) (yes, I annoyed the hell out of my friend who has raced P1/2 for tips) told me specifically not to get too feisty with the attacking.

Road racing is different than anything I've ever done before.    You don't have to get up at ass'o'clock, for one thing: you don't even race until 8:30am, and that's only if you're racing Pro 1/2 and you're a man. Us Cat 3/4 ladies go at 11:30 and the Pro 1/2 ladies and Cat 4 men go out around 1. (Tell me THAT isn't awesome). Race fees are a good bit cheaper. You get to draft. You only do one sport. The races are considerably shorter (1-2 hours in most cases until you start getting Pro.) 

Road races are definitely not as popular as the other stuff I've done; I hardly know anyone doing this race, and many of the people I know doing it are way more experienced and even race on legit teams and the whole 9. It really is MY DAY. (With all the other crap flying around me, I could use a ME day.)

In any case, both coaches gave me the following advice.

Important Rule for Cycle Racing Virgins: Your first and most important objective is to have fun, followed by this: be safe and try not to get shaken from the pack.

Okie dokie.  Now we know what my goal is for tomorrow.


By now we know that racing (and life) don't always present us with the best of circumstances on the eve of a big event.  I'd like to be well-rested, massaged, and pumped.  But I don't feel good and I've had a hard training week.  I've spent the past month planning special events at work to try to shake up (and hopefully improve?) campus life. I'm trying to concentrate on the Fourth Discipline, I have major research deadlines, and am currently sifting through thousands of pieces of data as well as dozens of student assignments. (I'm surprised I'm even taking the time to write this, but if I didn't take a break for awhile, I'd probably suffer even further sanity loss.)

The funeral was way harder than I expected. I was severely depressed, and I am still recovering from what was my first real funk since before my thryoidectomy. My toe arthritis is acting up thanks to all the standing (especially in grass, in high heels) at the burial and wake. I am overwhelmed with the mental and emotional strain.

But I've done a marathon feeling like this before, and that lasted 5.5 hours; this is less than half that.  And tomorrow I don't have to be up at 3 or 4 a.m. like I do on a Marathon or Triathlon Eve.


Still, with all this going on, I found myself thinking how the hell did I get here?

The answer is that I got here, not just to the eve of my first road race, but into everything I've been doing the past few months, the fundraising, the knee-deep work and projects and research and special events - all of it - because I never stop challenging myself.   Yeah, maybe I am a bit overwhlemed.  And yeah, sometimes I bite off more than I can chew.  And (at least in the case of this road race) sometimes I may very well suck at something and wear myself out, but I will be able to rest soon enough.

I knew that cycling was my strength, and that I wanted to explore it more, and that I wanted to get even stronger.  And I kept saying some day I will do a century, some day I will be an A rider, some day I will do cycling races.  Some day, some day, some day.

Well, some day may never come.
I got a taste this week of the bitter reality that life really can end at any moment.  It doesn't matter if you're young, healthy, or cancer-free, or aging, frail, and brittle.  It can happen at any time, to anyone.  Knowing that, I feel like I owe it to myself to live outside my comfort zone.

I feel like we all owe it to ourselves to never, EVER stop challenging ourselves. In many cases, the challenge will be the hardest work you've ever imagined. But, whether you realize your plans or NOT, just making the effort will move you much farther along than you hiding yourself in familiarity. 

Life is too short to be stagnant. Reach out, branch out, way beyond your comfort zone, and see just how great you can be. I promise you this: you're capable of much more than you ever imagined.

Milestones

Time to taper for the century! 

I said CENTURY.  EEEEE!!!!!

It hits me every now and then that I'm going to ride 100 miles next week. 

ME.  Lil' ol' me.  I'm going to ride ONE HUNDRED MILES.

And then a week later I'm going to swim 3.1
And then 4 weeks after that I'm going to run 26.2

I'm going to be an IRONMAJ!

EEEEEE!!!!

I have hit a lot of milestones this past few months. Highest training volume week (13.78), fastest 1-mile (7:44), fastest 5k training (non-racing) run (31ish mins), fastest group ride (19.1 mph AVERAGE), longest bike ride of my life (80 miles), fastest I've ever gone without a hill (29+), fastest I've ever gone on a bike (39), longest OW swim race (2.5 miles), first swim-only race, fastest 100yd swim time (1:47) . . . . the list goes on and on.


I had a lot of time to think the past few weeks since I haven't been spending 8-14 hours a week working out.  And, of course, one of the things I thought about was my weight.  I spent too many years obsessing over the scale numbers to be hung up on them now. I only worry about them if they're making a serious trend up or down. (And thanks to iron-distance training my weight has definitely been up a little. Damn you, constant inflammation!!!!) 

Well, I hit another milestone there, too.  My current "low" weight, 155, is the lowest my weight has been since I started racing in 2006.  I've been buying size 8's left and right.  Don't care if I never get smaller - single-digit sizes make me happy.




Last week I was back to strength and running, and this week I am returning to riding with 2 very short rides and then getting fit for a new saddle to hopefully reduce some of the discomfort during the century.  If this still doesn't help, I am riding the metric route.  And, after that's done, I'm off the bike for a while and reducing my rides to 1-2 a week in anticipation of run and swim volume increasing (thanks, 5k swim and marathon!) and to help the saddle sores/bruises finish healing.

5k swim is the week after the century.  With the extra time off, I have also devised a stratgey to reduce my swim to the 3k if I need to.

The marathon?  On like Donkey Kong.  I've been building my mileage up so I can make my long (18-mile) run 3 weeks before the race on 11/5.  The run is going great.  I'm way faster than I expected.

My mom used to say Meggan has the luck o' the Irish - she can fall into a pile of $4it and still come out smelling like a rose. Now that I'm grown up (ha), I like to think it's just that I can see the good in most all situations. I think in some ways that the saddle sore situation (say that 5 times real fast) was a way to get me to back off and rest a little. Since then, I am back down to the lowest weight I've been in years and I am feeling extremely fresh on my weekly runs.


I was looking at my training plan for Florida Half Ironman next year and I am so excited by how much lower the volume is than what I'm doing now.

And then all I could think about was

I'm going to ride ONE HUNDRED MILES.

And then

I'm going to be an IronMAJ!!!!
EEEEEE!!!!

Today is the first day of the rest of my training plan

Honestly, I was shocked at this week's plan (and its extremely low volume), but when the coaches agreed with it, I rolled with it.

I'm already glad.

This morning's workout was originally scheduled as a brick, but poor Ruby hasn't been out on the road in a week, so I didn't realize her tires were desperately in need of air.  The extra couple minutes it took for me to fill them cut out my run time - which is fine, because I already have two mini-bricks later this week.

This is what this early plan is all about.  Building up my efficacy and ability slowly.  So there's no need to get all crazy-like the first day of my workout back.

The weather was brisk - about 48 degrees - so I threw on a compression tee and tights under my jersey.  And, in a bold move, I opted NOT to wear my cycling shorts over my tights.  (I do this sometimes on short rides to develop what I call SST - Skinny Seat Tolerance.) 

After that, there isn't much to report . . . averaged about 15.2 mph, didn't get stuck at many stoplights, and except for the holyfuckmyfingersarefreezing sensation caused by forgetting my gloves, it was an ab-so-lute-ly perfect little ride.

 

Later on in the evening I had a delicious piece of venison and some fresh spinach, and as a special treat I made tiny potatoes.  I think I've expressed my general apathy about carbs in general, but I've made a serious effort lately to eat veggies instead of starches.  I have to say, the overall experience of eating only veggies is more satisfying than including a traditional "carb." 



They taste about 1000 times
better than they look!

Since I'm helping the B work on his eating as well, and since he frequently looks for some type of dessert after dinner, I made whole-wheat, bittersweet-chocolate-chunk cookies.  You'd never know they were also low fat and lower sugar.  Even this non-carb, non-sweet fan gave them 2 thumbs up. 

Tomorrow I think I'm supposed to meet with the math tutor for more GRE-approved goodness.  I've been hitting the vocabulary SUPA HARD (in fact, if I weren't so tired, I'd be using some of my fascinating new words to write this blog.)

Tomorrow is another day.

Some People Drink Coffee . . . .



I drink Whoop-Ass in a Can

As I'm sitting here drinking my Whoop-Ass in a Can, I'm thinking again about The Fifth Discipline.  Training resumes on Monday, when I will adopt an 8-week maintenance plan on my way to a 20-week Half Iron plan.  Needless to say, I am feeling a bit on the lazy side from not really working out.  I know I need the rest, but I'm ready to really get back into a workout routine. 

I feel pretty . . . well . . . fat.  There's just no nice word FOR it.

 

Me at Miami Man at 168

As it is for most women, my weight a complex subject, further complicated by my lack of a thyroid.  I could explain that I am currently at the 3rd-heaviest weight in my life, but I have lost 16 pounds since my surgery last year, that I have lost 5 pounds eating clean, but that technically it's only 3, but even that's not really a loss because it's only a return to triathlon training weight  . . .  and then, as I type all this, something in my head says who gives a shit if people know what the f*(k you weigh?



 I mean, you all know I'm an Athena, so you all know I'm over 150 pounds, and you know I have no thyroid, and you've seen pictures of me - so, no doubt, you could make estimates in your head.  


At my graduation awards
ceremony at 175+



Besides, to be completely honest, I've gotten past the point in my life where the numbers on the scale matter.  Now, what really matters is being comfortable in my own skin - being comfortable in my clothes and in the mirror are secondary.

So I'll skip the fol-de-rol and tell you that I am currently tipping the scales at about 164 pounds.  During my thyroid woes, before the surgery, I was in the high 170s, and at the time of my radioactive iodine treatments, I had gained several pounds and was about 182.  



Me on New Year's Eve at 168

As long as we're talking about numbers, I am proud to say that I have also become comfortable with my body fat, which is about 28%.  Body fat calculators expect women of my size the be about 45% body fat, and the American Council on Exercise considers anything over 32% obese.  Since between 25% and 31% are their "average", even though I am *quite* overweight for my height, I have ALWAYS maintained a healthy body fat percentage through exercise, even at 182. 



As anyone who's ever kicked an eating disorder can tell you, even after you recover from negatively associating all matters related to food, eating, and weight with negativity and anguish, you find that your self-talk needs to be stripped of the same habits (since, freqently, the self-talk was the foundation for the disordered eating.)  And returning to healthy thoughts about eating and about myself have been a lifelong task. 

I have almost completely covered the eating side.  However, even though my weight has become a neutral number, learning to discuss myself in uncharged, positive terms is another story altogether.

It's hard to eschew words like lame, lazy, stupid, etc. when describing even my weekend, because I grew up thinking that kind of language was harmless and acceptable.  If I focus on it, I can easily make non-judgemental subsitutions for my word choices.  But, if I don't, then my subconscious or unconscious takes over and I find myself making less-than-kind self-observations in an attempt to be succinct.

What I do know is this; if I have managed to become comfortable enough with myself to share my trials publicly, then I feel like I've conquered part of the battle.



Me Before New Orleans at 166



There's a great message to the new Lady Gaga song Born This Way.  Love her or hate her (or pop music in general), you can't deny the power of the lyrics:

Mama told me, when I was young

We are all born superstars

She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on

In the glass of her budoir

Nothin' wrong with lovin' who you are, she said,

'Cause he made you perfect, babe

Just hold your head up, girl, and you'll go far

Listen to me when I say:

I'm beautiful in my way, 'cause God makes no mistakes



I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way

Don't hide yourself in regret, just love yourself and you're set



I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way

. . . .Whether life's disablities left you outcast, bullied, or teased

Rejoice and love yourself today, 'cause baby, you were born this way . . .

I may not be there yet - but I'm on the right track, baby.

Against All Odds Redux

It takes a team of doctors to keep up with me.

Yeah, that’s right.  I’m so infinitely badass that I require my own dedicated support team.

I guess at some point last year, I decided that each additional bit of adversity I faced was just one more opportunity to excel.

When I first started blogging, I titled my story "Against All Odds" because I was struggling with an insurmountable list of health issues in addition to the daily injury prevention challenges faced by all endurance athletes and a slew of personal problems.  Later, I answered a fellow blogger's question explaining the various health challenges I faced.  Little did I know that I would only continue to add more issues to the list: asthma and allergies, and of course cancer, "the icing on a very shitty cake."

Today I went to the ENT to get the update on my inner ear issues . . .  and it looks like the cause of all my inner ear problems is most likely an incurable disease called Meniere's.  I'm just learning about it, but I will begin something called vestibular therapy and then possibly be put on additional medications.  

The toughest part, though, is that my vertigo and hearing loss will follow me for the rest of my life, are completely unpredictable, and are usually progressive - meaning they'll most likely get worse and require more drastic treatments as I age. And I will definitely be making some dietary modifications (I'll write more later about the 4th discipline).

Yeah - it is a bit frustrating to think that I have to go through more tests and treatments after years of being free from them, and yeah - I could let it bother me or depress me or anger me.

But you know what?

I got this.

I know what I need to do, what I need to eat, and how much I need to sleep.  That's all I need to know.

I'm not going to stop training.

I'm not going to stop working my jobs.

I'm still applying to my PhD program.

I'm also not going to let this get me down.

Au contraire - I'm going to use it as yet another reason to succeed against the odds.

People who get bothered or angry or depressed by every bit of drama with which they're faced aren't the ones who conquer insurmountable obstacles.  People who are infinitely badass, on the other hand, are.

What Martin Luther King Day Means To Me

I am sitting here eating yet ANOTHER giant bowl of oatmeal before a long run.

I hate oatmeal.

However, it is an efficient and easy way to get good carbs in before I run 10, 15, or 20 miles.  (Today will only be about 10, if you're wondering.)


I got the news that a colleague's wife has stage two breast cancer this week and I have been thinking about them constantly.

Of course, this time of year is pretty significant.  After all, in less than 9 days, the nation will remember Martin Luther King, Jr., an extraordinary leader who inspired millions during the Civil Rights Movement but was stopped early in his efforts by assassination.  Many businesses will close their doors to observe this national holiday.

But what does Martin Luther King Day mean to YOU, and to this post, you're probably asking?

Thousands of students of all ages have undoubtedly opined on this topic, and I'm sure responses have included: it is a reminder of the importance of the civil rights movement, a way to recognize the contributions of African Americans to modern society, a celebration of the victory of pacifist protest over violence, a demonstration of what can happen when a charismatic leader uses his influence for the greater good, how civil unrest can interfere with social progress - or a combination of these ideas and countless valuable others. 

And, while MLK Day does mean all these things to me, and probably some other things as well, it also holds great personal significance.

Martin Luther King Day - January 15, 2010 - was the day I was diagnosed with thryoid cancer. 

You can read about my reaction and the overall results of that call here, and I won't bore you with it if you already know.  Next week it will be one year since my diagnosis, and every single day I feel a little more normal.   Even the days that leave me feeling hypothyroid, sick and exhausted, I stop and think about what a change knowing about (and treating) that cancer has made, if not on my physical health, then on my perspective.

Perhaps the most important thing I've done, especially in light of my friend's recent diagnosis, is dedicate my time to the American Cancer Society's DetermiNation program.  Training is hard; fundraising is really hard! (Especially when you're working 3 1/2 other jobs!)  But neither are anywhere near as hard as beating cancer.

Regardless of what MLK Day means to you, the one thing I truly wish for everyone I know is that, some day this year, you resolve to take action about whatever inspires you.  Whether that is pursuing the job you've always wanted, the education you need, or booking your first skydiving excursion: find out what you need to do and DO IT.  Do it for people who can't, do it because you never know when you'll get another chance, do it because you might inspire others: just resolve to TAKE ACTION.

Now my oats are getting cold, so I'm off. 'Cause if there's one thing I hate more than oatmeal, it's cold oatmeal.

Twinkies

The other day, I'm out on my last 3-hour ride of the season.  I'm cooking along doing a good 16-17mph, on my own, despite traffic stops, and I'm past mile 40, when it occurs to me that I am moving faster at mile 40 than I've ever moved at the Olympic distance.

You read right - I once needed all my marbles to ride 25 miles at >15mph.  Now I can do that for 50.

So I decided, as usual, to be Cap'n Tough Nuts and go for it - the big 5-0.

Except that around mile 49.6 I have to stop and get off the bike because my legs(quads especially) feel like someone put them in a vice grip.

I finished the 50 miles and slapped on my running shoes, but it was more of a waddle than a run.

So I say to Nuk, "does it still count as a brick if you walk 90% of the run?"

To which Nuk replies, "Of course.  A brick is defined as any workout where you do two sports back-to-back that make you crave Twinkies."

Twinkies?

Well, I hate eating until about an hour after a big workout anyway, but I really hate Twinkies.  So, for me, a brick is defined as any workout where you do two sports back-to-back that make you crave cheeseburgers.   (Of course, at my house, cheeseburgers are made with fresh veggies, extra lean beef and low-fat cheese.)

Which brings me to taper week.

I've logged around a 7-hour training week the past two weeks.  My rides have been 2-3 hours.  I'm pretty prepared for this whole taper.  I'm not even antsy about cutting my volume a little - I'm damn ready.

About those cheeseburgers . . .

Generally, I'm good with my diet.  Since my thyroid medication started stabilizing, I've been losing weight slowly but contsistently.  Which is something of a victory for me, because people often think I must be a terrible eater if I work out this much and I'm not thin.  I'm finally looking "normal," again - meaning, not thin, but not bloated and ill.

But I also don't believe in deprivation.  I have a couple days a week where I let myself eat what I want within reason.  Since my training volume will be cut in half, or less, that couple days a week is going to have to drop to a day or less.

That's gonna be tough.

The sugar cookies I baked my coworkers are boxed up.  There is a reason I don't keep those suckers around . . . .

Check out my ACS webpage for marathon updates.

Until then, TAPER TIME!!!!

Continuity Training

Just a quick update, as the past few weeks have been very crazy. I've stocked my fridge with lots of goodies like veggies and low-fat snacks to kick off a stricter diet in the event that the thyroidectomey causes weight gain.

I can remove myself from FL Half Ironman by April 1 and get $75 of my almost-$300 fee back. I'll make that decision based on how I feel after surgery and whether I need radiation.

On that note, I've been pretty tired but I'm pushing through it. I see the surgeon on 2.16 to schedule my thyroidectomy. Since we last talked, here's where my training's gone.

• Succesfully returned to training
• Successfully integrated weight/strength training back into my week
• Work out no fewer than 3 times per week for no less than 1 hour per session

The last week I wrote an entry, I did 2, 1-hour yoga sessions, 2, approximately 2-mile runs, 1, one-hour spin class and a 1000yrd swim.

The following week I did two weight sessions (one for one hour, one for 30 minutes) and 2 short bike rides.

This week I've done a one-hour weight session, a short bike ride, 1 2,55-mile run, and a 1500-yd swim.

Needs:
Increase bike and run distances.
Further examine diet.

That's what I have now.

Interestingly, since I have been testing my blood glucose regularly, returning to eating more whole foods and less dining out, and working out more . . . . my weight is still at an all-time high. I had thought I lost five pounds, but it came back.

All Spin Instructors Are NOT Created Equal

This post is dedicated to my two favorite spin instructors, who probably know who they are - the Head Coach of the Tri Club, and a certain West Coast Brit.


This is NOT the Y

I did an hour spin class last night and a short stint on the tread this morning.

I hate to keep repeating myself, but this is NOT the Y.

During spin last night, it became patently obvious that Y members and LA Fitness members are a totally different animal (maybe even species.) I lasted the whole class (as if there was any doubt), and was quite proud to see that, despite getting my ass kind of kicked, "30 %" and "70%" were actually one-third and three-quarters turns of the tension knob (unlike some of the people around me).

Ok, enough being petty and/or gloat-y. . . . on with the observations that may/may not be gross overgeneralizations. The best way I can describe the difference to you is this: Y members are serious and LA Fitness members are not. The funniest part about this? LAF members think they're serious, while Y members are more low-key.

For example, outfits at the Y are not as tight, makeup is not as flashy, and the place is frequently overrun with kids. Conversely, there are more sterotypical Gym Bunnies at LAF, complete with heavy eye makup and Bebe track suits/sports bras. Not a kid in sight at any of the locations or any times I've attended. But, amazingly enough, the Y members I know (and I know dozens), are all, in general, more fit, effortlesssly attractive people. (Think: no heavy black eyeliner needed.) They possess more quiet confidence/cockiness than flash/wannabe glamour, and they're almost all excellent athletes.

The vibe and instructors in group excersize are also completely different.

**Disclaimer: not trying to offend anyone here . . . just voicing my opinion. I am not an expert, nor do I claim to be**

The difference I noticed at spin may be coincidental, and I'm sure it has more to do with individual instructor style, but the stark contrast cannot go unremarked. A typical spin class at all 3 of the YMCAs I've visited were likely to be attended by 5 or more triathletes wearing either race t-shirts, spin/tri shorts, and calm smiles. I was the keener dork of the class last night in my spin shorts and race tee. The Y instructors usually have awesome form on the bike, walk around some during class, talk to everyone, adjust your gears for you if they know you well enough, etc. Nothing against last night's instructor - she was cool - but she sat on the bike the entire time and was focused more on how much effort she could crank out than her form. She didn't walk around until the end of the class and she didn't offer any helpful instruction.

Sigh. I'm so spoiled. I keep having to remind myself that this is all for the good of my budget . . . . And now I sound like a pompous ass for acring/noticing . . .


The Fourth Discipline
Unsurprisingly, my efforts to improve my life overall post-diagnosis have extneded to diet. I'm supposed to eat more protein than carbs, especially because I'm insulin resistant. I'm trying to make an effort to do this more frequently.


Crap I Want to Do Before I (Well, You Know)
Thyroid cancer is SUPER treatable, but anything involving cancer makes you consider your mortality. So, finally, I've decided I need to get off my ass and go sailing and to Europe some time soon. I've always wanted to, and I don't see any time like the present.

Marathon Training, Week 3, Days 2&3: I Exercised

. . . . my right to vote, that is.

I felt like I was going to a race - I got to the polling place at 6:45 a.m., lined up with a bunch of other people, and didn't leave until after 8am - then on to walk the dog again and go to work at 10. Tuesday was my rest day, because I went straight to school and don't get home until 11 p.m., thanks to the election parties. And Monday, I forgot that I had a meeting, so I never did finish my workouts. But at least the meeting was fitness-related, too.

It was a Weight Watchers meeting.

You see, even more than consistency or persistence, Nutrition - Friel's Fourth Discipline - is my Demon.

I've long adored the WW online tools for tracking the proper amounts of fat, fiber and calories via their "Points" system. When I started using their online tools in 2004, I was the heaviest I'd ever been and wore a size 14 or 16. By 2005 I was down to my average weight and wearing a size 8 with an occasional 6 thrown in. I loved that I wasn't deprived and didn't have to obsess, but when hard times struck - my health dissolved, along with my marriage - and when I started training harder, using WW seemed to conflict with my life, particularly at times when consuming too few calories was contributing to my dizzy spells. I managed to stave off weight gain because I've always been a very healthy eater, but just before and during my pregnancy, fast food somehow crept into my regimen.

I'd never been to a WW meeting, though. I decided to go, and to start using the online tools again, but to be mindful of consuming the proper amount of calories for my workouts. And I've been eyeing the Core Plan - which, unlike the Flex Plan, doesn't ask its users to track "Points" but rather provides a list of healthy"free foods" which one can eat until satisfied. This list is almost identical to the list of foods we should eat as triathletes, with the exception of a few things like peanut butter and bread: whole grains, lean meats, lowfat dairy and lots of veggies and fruits.

Whether I switch to the Core Plan or not, any action is better than no action at all.

Normally, the shame of weighing in front of someone and the sheer hokey-ness of the meetings would embarrass me into an eating frenzy (or worse), but doing it with someone actually made me laugh. The meeting leader asked us to share our acheivements from the previous week, and I was entirely too embarrassed to tell her I'd run 16 of my planned 20 miles for the week or that I'd run 8 miles on Sunday and 2 on Monday, for fear I'd look like a show-off.

I'm exhausted. It's been an emotionally tiring 3 days. I'm not eating as great as I'd like. I'm having a really bad round of dizzy spells and I'm not sure what's caused them except maybe lack of sleep. I know I should feel excited about the WW and voting and the race this weekend, but I feel deflated. I probably won't run tonight, and I'm not pleased with the prospect of missing a run on my schedule only 3 weeks into the plan, especially since this was supposed to be my first "on program" week. I also found out that I will not be able to afford an Ironman race for at least 6 months, so there's no chance of sneaking into a 2009 race.

None at all.

But this is the time when I usually throw my hands up and declare defeat, then feel guilty for weeks about my failure to make my planned mileage. I promised myself I'm not doing that this time. So I won't.

I'm just going to get some sleep and revisit things when I'm not so wiped out.

I'M HUNGRY but I'm Not

Tonight's run was about 4.5 miles past the cemetery. I got a new toy: a metronome. It's red and snazzy and it clips onto me. I set it for about 85 BPM when I want to run in zones 1-2. It really, really helps. No walking necessary to even out HR because listening to the cadence allows me to keep my gait in check even if I have to slow the rest of my body down and teaches me faster turnover on my legs. I'm staying on my toes/center of my feet more, bouncing a little but my legs are more used to it. They weren't quite so heavy tonight.

Got rained out on the bike so hit the trainer . . . little less than an hour ride. I have a HARD TIME getting my HR up on the bike. I could be pushing up a hill with a 9% grade and I'd be lucky to get into the 160s. Zone 1 is up to 147BPM for me, and I have to tell you, 147BPM is REALLY HURTING MYSELF. Like, practically dying. Same with the swim - although a few flip turns and I can be at 134, which is the high end of my zones, which is why I don't really bother practicing them even though I suck major *(%& at them. The run is the ONLY place I can get up to 180+BPM. (That's killing-myself-pace too, though).

Weird, when I run through the cemetery I always think of the graveyard at mom's and feel at peace.

I seem to be shorting myself calories still, maybe like 300-700 per day. I'm starving when I sit down to eat and I know my body is crying for them but I just can't eat them all. I'm hungry, but I'm not hungry enough to get that extra punch of cals in. Another thing: I get a lot of protein, but mostly from fattier sources it appears, which throws my fat % up. However, my overall percentage for the past month is 62% carbs, 13% fat and 24% protein, which I'm calling a damn good try for my first month of logging my food by perentages vs. by "points" or straight "calories and fat grams."

Do I have a goal for this weekend's race, by the way? Errrr . . . not really. To learn to push harder on sprints and finally get under the 2-hour mark. I'd like to do a 15 swim (sprint swim PR is 17 and change), 40-45 ride(sprint PR is a little over an hour) and 35-40 run (PR is 44 mins for a triathlon 5k). I don't see that happening, so I'll settle for getting under 2 hours.

On the shedyool for tomorrow: a 4500 yd swim. (Yes, you read that right. 4500. There's no way it can be done in the morning, so it better not lightning tomorrow night. It'll take me 2hrs, and even if the Y opened at 5 instead of 5:30, that wouldn't give me time to work out AND get to work.) But that's it. One workout.

I LOVE IT!

Girl, You Have No Faith in Medicine

Girl, you have no faith in medicine
Oh, girl
You have no faith in medicine
Acetaminophen - you see the medicine
Oh, girl
Is there a way to find the cure for this implanted in a pill?
It’s just the name upon the bottle which determines if it will
Is the problem you're allergic to a well-familiar name?
Do you have a problem with this one if the results are the same?
-Girl, You Have No Faith in Medicine (The White Stripes)

I'm pooped and resting for the rest of the week. Trying different things with the timing of my pills, but everyone knows I have no faith in medicine. So, when The White Stripes wrote that song, I think they were talking about me.

!*!&#!)!*@(!)!(@------------------

Today was my last official "slack day." I had a serious sit-down with the club coach last night, and the first words out of his mouth were: "You don't eat enough."

I almost turned around to see if there was another girl behind me. "I thought you were going to say I eat too MUCH."

"Nope. It's no wonder you gain weight when you train and you're grumpy all day and then you eat a cheeseburger and fries for lunch! You're not eating anything. Your body is hanging on to every pound it can hang onto."

I felt like smacking msyelf. As much as I know about nutrition, it never once dawned on me that I'm eating too little. I think this is because I was hungry all the time and not really eating the best kinds of food, so I automatically assumed that I was just eating too much of the wrong stuff. Not so - I was eating not enough of everything. Hector actually thought I had myself on a diet!!! So I have to try harder to hit my goal of approx. 2000 calories a day, and I'm not getting enough protein. No wonder I crave it nonstop.

Lemme tell ya, it's hard work eating a lot!!!! I forgot how to eat 5 times a day. It really made me realize how bad my eating habits have gotten - not in that I eat so much "bad" food but in that my amounts and intervals are not regular. I don't eat enough or frequently enough, so when I DO binge, I binge BIG TIME (like cheeseburgers and fries.) Of course, I feel so satisfied today that I don't care about a cheeseburger. That doesn't mean I won't wake up tomorrow and want a chicken biscuit, but tomorrow I have a 6:30am time trial and I doubt I'll wanna ruin that. Then I have a run on Sunday morning and another workout on Sunday at 2:30pm. And after that, it's back to training.

Here they are . . . my 2008 Goals:
-HAVE FUN!
-Don't look like an ass at Nationals (well now that's just common sense, i'n't it?!!)
-Lose 24 lbs.
-Gain 2mph on bike
-Lose 1 min/mile on the run
-Lose 20-30 sec on the swim

And the Club is trying to talk me into doing the Miami Man (Half Iron) in November, but that's purely dependent on my financial situation. I'm kinda thinking of doing this ride called the Horrible Hundred. We shall see.

But I have a feeling . . . this whole eating better thing is going to help with the medicine issues. Now I have to go find a metronome and a track where I can re-calibrate my footpod.

Nutrition: The Fourth Discipline

The first thing people do when I tell them I'm a triathlete is (either silently or verbally) question my truthfulness. No one can believe that someone this heavy actually completes triathlons. And most people automatically assume that, because I'm heavy, I'm not disciplined. They figure, Well, you're fat. It's either because you eat too much or don't exercise enough - it's always a sign that you don't take care of yourself.

Well, this may come as a shock to you, but I'm actually going to agree with those bastards for once. I am not very disciplined.

Put stock in astrology? If so, I'm the poster child for my sign. According to astrology.com: "Sagittarius, the ninth Sign of the Zodiac, is the home of the wanderers of the Zodiac..........Once these folks start to feel hemmed in, they'll become impatient and difficult." Although most of us are natural athletes, Sagittarians despise boundaries, restraints, and regulations. We are free-wheeling optimists who fall prey easily to wanderlust, and we purportedly possess great passion and sponaneity, but little love for authority or commitment.

Not the greatest qualities in a triathlete, huh? I mean, think about it: training requires a commitment to hours of rigorous activity (under less than ideal conditions, on many occasions). It removes or relocates many other priorities in one's schedule. Only so much of it can be sacrificed, shuffled, or "winged" before a race becomes unsafe or impossible to finish. And it's not just training hours. Unlike, say, football or golf, a triathlete will lose monumental speed and ability by getting bulkier, which means efficient strength training and proper nutrition are a must. All of those factors amount to a relatively hefty commitment, even for athletes training at Olympic or Sprint distances. Commitment and discipline are really good friends. Free spirits are not really good friends with commitment and discipline.

So, every time I read Friel's chapter in Going Long called Nutrition: The Fourth Discipline, I cringe. Part of this is because I am the epitomy of a free spirit, and the very word "discipline" makes me quiver. Part of this is because I feel nervous when pressured in any way to focus on my eating habits - after all, I'm naturally geared toward food obsession. And, like most of us, my eating is also the first thing to go out the window when I feel ill, or my schedule gets packed, or I get stressed. In fact, one of the biggest reasons I train is because training is slowly helping me to develop a healthier relationship with food. The effects of poor or inappropriate nutrition are almost immediately evident in daily training, and especially during races - everything from the amounts and varieties we consume to the intervals at which we consume them. The key, for me, to improving my relationship with food (and its relationship to my training), is to understand and accept food as fuel for the proper functioning of my body, as opposed to a treat, an emotional outlet or a celebratory tool.

This has been a very long and difficult road for me to travel. I have always been the type of eater who eats great quantities but naturally chooses healthier foods, especially considering that my family was vegan while I was in high school and lacto-ovo vegetarian until I moved away from home. (Although, that's also one of the roots of my eating problem, but I digress.) Last year, I was close to my average weight (about 30 lbs lighter than I am now), and my habits were easy to maintain. Losing weight steadily, I was certain that training harder would return me to proper form, although - and this is VERY important to say - my reason for training was NEVER to lose weight. My hope was to be too light for the Athena category by St. Anthony's in April. However, from late summer through early spring, a series of flare-ups, medication changes, lifestyle changes and tendencies toward my old disordered eating patterns actually put me at a weight around 10 pounds heavier than I was at this time in 2007. You can imagine the anxiety this added to my already stressful life: medical problems, personal problems, training struggles - then add the weight gain and all the correlated self-esteem damage, the difficulty dressing for work and the simple fact that training was more physically painful. Of course - and I am NOT proud to admit this - the end result was the adoption of even poorer eating habits as the stressors pushed me farther and farther back.

It isn't for lack of knowledge. Being a disordered eater, I know more about nutrition than you can probably imagine. More than most people - even athletes - would like to know. My years of obsessing about food have educated me on carbs, fats, protein, veggies, grains, the best time to eat, and all manners of weight-maintenance habits including food-journaling, portioning, deprivation, non-deprivation, and just about every mental trick in the book(s). But putting all that knowledge into practice is nothing short of miraculous, especially when my eating is so intrinsically linked to my emotional well-being and other health concerns.

It really is a discipline.

And I am struggling with discipline right now. It's enough for me to just get out of bed, train a few times a week, work without falling alseep at my desk, and repeat the process the following week. Let alone to have to watch my nutrition and not feel offended by people looking at me like a freak because I barely fit an XL top but I'm talking about training for triathlons.


As I've said before, the week of the biggest race I've ever attempted is NOT the week to get crazy and alter my routine severely. Florida Ironman 70.3 is looming on the horizon. Maintaining the status quo is vital at this point. After FL HIM, I will go back to using Weight Watchers for a while as a food journaling tool to keep me on track. I visited Brian and company at FrontRunning Sports today and had my stride video taped. It's altered a lot since last year. A different pair of shoes is on order. My shorter summer races (local and Olympic - except for one, out-of-state Olympic) and my fall marathon will be the time for me start working on these things.

For now, I have to get ready for my parents and aunt to visit, and it's time to tapertapertapertapertaper . . . . .

Oh, and download "The Final Countdown" to my iPod.