More Wise Words from Dad, Mid-Plan Jitters, and Awesome People

A black cat NEARLY crossed my path during this morning's hour-long easy run. I saw it all but dart out from behind a parked car; then, just as quickly, it reconsidered.  What's the point? she's just going to find a way to turn it into good luck somehow.

A few weeks ago, I realized that I may not be going to New York at all this year because of the combination of my medical expenses, my cats' medical expenses, and travelling to see my parents.  That possibility is still very real, but - as my dad once said - there WILL be other marathons.  And, who knows what could happen from here?  I've made a habit of turning bad "luck" into good; I could figure out a way to make it work. 

I read an article recently that supported this: the gist was, when we overcome adversity (death, severe illness, divorce, bankruptcy, cancer, family trauma, etc.) we build a sense of self-efficacy.  We know that the other things life will throw at us is just what my dad would call small potatoes.  We stop saying "woe is me" and starting say "whoa, I am a badass."

So I made the commitment to keep training, and I made the commitment to keep fundraising for the ACS, whether I make my goal of making it to NYC or not.



I'm proud to say two things:

1. I'm only $370 from the minimum commitment I agreed to raise, and 65% to my personal goal. Last time I fundraised for the ACS, I had no idea how hard it would be to ask friends and family for money.  I was very naive and felt like those closest to me would (naturally!) think it was as great a cause as I did.  I realized quickly that everyone's idea of a good cause is different, and that's totally fine. Everyone has a cause they're passionate about (mine is simple - cancer blows).  This time, I've also spent a lot of time and effort cooking up cool events (wine nights, ladies-only parties, online bake sales!) and communicating interesting information to my fellow athletes and supporters. It's been both fun and productive.



#suckitcancer

2. I'm 8 weeks into my training program. I had a few really rough weeks where I was in testing for my cysts/lymph nodes, transporting cats all over town, pet-sitting and finishing the Spring semester of school, and I didn't feel great (ask anyone without a thyroid or with thyroid disease what it's like to have their medication dose changed!)  I am way farther ahead mileage-wise than I was at this time last year, and with no stress fracture.  I have had a little runner's knee but I have solved most of my shin/calf issues: MY SHOELACES.  I've been doing this for almost 7 years and had NO CLUE they could make your shin and calf muscles sore!  I even discovered a gel I can take without pooping myself.  (Thanks again, K-Dub.) 

P.S. - an hour-long run in Florida weather = major chafe.  The area where my bra goes is all blistered up.  Yuck!




And these two points bring me to 2 others. (Ok, 3.)

1. I have REALLY awesome people in my life.
2. No, really.  REALLY awesome people. 



Bastards

3. Dad's always right.

On 1 and 2: I have had many friends and acquaintances; some were my best confidants. People I could tell - and DID tell - just about every thought I had.  Oddly, it's made me appreciate the beauty of keeping some of those thoughts to yourself.  The people in my life right now are so positive, SO supportive, and provide so much perspective, that they prove we are the sum of many of our actions and not just one thought.  That keeps me feeling positive about life and about gaining perspective before speaking or acting. Keep positive, happy - and GROUNDED - people around you and watch the world change! No, it's not going to put extra money in your bank account, or stop every bad thought that comes - but it WILL improve your outlook on just about everything.

And on the 3rd. It's not secret that my parents are two of my best friends (the title of my blog comes from Dad, after all).   I'm not sure if it's because they've been going through a lot or I've been going through a lot, but we've become closer than ever and I find more and more wisdom in their advice.  Recently I had the opportunity to advance in a professional setting, and I was offered an interesting choice because of it. And then I got the mid-plan jitters; I noticed (like I do every year) that everyone else I know is out there running 16-20 miles on their long runs and my long runs are just 10-12 right now.  And that's when The Coach says to me, not you PR at every marathon, but something to the effect of, it's just mental at this point. 

Which sounds an awful lot like something my dad would say. In fact, just the other day he told me (regarding my professional choice), just step back and do something else for a while, and when you return to it, the decision will come to you.

It's just mental at this point.

Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right. - Henry Ford

My dad didn't say it - but, if he'd been around back then, I can bet you he would have.

WEEK 8, DAY 3: And the ouch continues . . .

Hal suggested I go backwards rather than forward, even if it means I'll miss the 20-mile training run before the marathon. The problem is, I don't know when I'll go back to running.

Last night, I tried to run a mile. I got 15 steps. The pain kept shooting up my leg/glute/hip with every heel strike and I felt like that right leg was giving out. I ended up walking for a half hour, followed by 90 minutes of power yoga. And even yoga hurt me. I had to rest during most of the intense leg-related poses. I had to skip a few vinyasas. Soooo not me. I may rest a little, but I never miss a vinyasa.

(Side note: you know you've worked out hard when you come home and weigh less after eating and drinking all day than you weighed, empty and naked, first thing in the morning.)

PT ended today, with one of the most uncomfortable experiences you can imagine: the cold plunge. For those of you who have one of these at your gym, it's much worse than an ice bath. It's a flat, deathly still, forebodingly empty pit of 48-degree water. It even looks cold. You get numb and start to hurt within 45 seconds of climbing in. I had to go from that to the hot tob 10 times for 45-60 seconds each time. It did seem to help, but I thought my feet were going to fall off. At least in an ice bath you can wear a wetsuit, kick around and make bubbles, and you're in your own bathroom.

I am really getting mad about this fucking injury. I trained smart. I took Hal's advice, I took my tri coach's advice. I trained well, I even ate enough during the race - and I still got injured. I don't want to think about this being the second marathon this year that I may miss, but maybe it's time to face the fact that I'm a better triathlete than I am a runner. Yes, I want to do marathons, and I will eventually have to, even if it's not until I do my first Ironman. But I really wanted to run a marathon or 6 on their own before then - not to mention the fact that it would be wise to have at least one or two under my belt before attempting one after swimming 2.4 miles and biking 112.

Well, I can't do anything else today. PT sucked up my morning and I have class from 6:45 to 9:25 tonight. So I'll just have to rest, do something in the morning, and hope the massage tomorrow night helps. Otherwise, it's back to the ortho.

The eternal question is: how much training can I miss before it's unwise for me to keep the marathon on my schedule? Obviously, the sooner I know, the sooner I will replace my October and November races with triathlons. But I don't want to count myself out too soon and overfill my schedule, either.

WEEK 8, Day 2: Playing it by leg

I seem to have located the two spots that give me the most pain. When I am seated I can really feel one of my glute/hip muscles sort of knotted up and out of whack, and when standing I can really feel my right upper thigh/hip muscle sort of kinked up. I'm the office gimp. I can barely get down the stairs.

I slept this morning instead of running, so tonight before yoga I'm shooting for a little 1-mile run to see how I do. If I do good, I'll add a mile. If I don't, I'll only go half a mile.

Playing it by ear . . . or by leg, if you will.

WEEK 8, DAY 7: 2 miles, for the hell of it

I decided to add a 4th run to my week because runnning is my weakness and to "tri" out my new tri outfit. (Har, har! The punnery!) As I was rounding corner, sighting the end of my run, the 400-meter mark seemed to be 4 miles away. My right leg was hurting. I was hot. I was tired. And I still had 90 minutes of power yoga in a hot room ahead of me.

I have no doubt I can do 26.2. I know it won't be pretty (as you've seen from my race photos, I'm an ugly runner). I know that it won't be easy. But I knew it was possible when I crossed the finish line at 13.1 after several months of almost no training and much sickness. Still, there are days when I wonder: if I'm struggling with 2 miles, can I really go 140.6?

Reviewing my training logs for the year, I really have been sick a lot. I haven't nailed even half my desired schedule until May of this year. Well, the good thing about August is this: the Oly will be over. My discipline and mileage will be built very high. At that point, 4 runs plus 1 cross train and 1-3 strength session per week will look like a cakewalk compared to my 3-3-3-3 plan.

WEEK 8, DAY 6:Why does every triathlete think they're slow?

Today's workout was a 2.5-mile run followed by an 800m OW swim followed by a 2.5-mile run. As usual, I was the last runner and the second-to-last person out of the water.

I just keep wondering, with all the training I'm doing, why am I still so fucking slow?

On the run, Michelle tells me something I've said many times: I'm usually so far behind I think I'm first. As I'm leaving, I tell Susie to look for me at the back of the pack at next weekend's race. She says, Oh, I'll be last on the run, all right! Meanwhile, she kicks my ass in training runs. Training. Imagine how much faster she'll be when racing?!!

My friend Ironman Dawn, my Race Mentor and inspiration for getting into the sport, told me once that she's a slow swimmer. Then I watched her pull off a 40th out of 161 finish at St. Anthony's with 5 weeks of training. (Her finish times: 2:47:37 total. 1.5k swim at 29:06 - 1:57 pace; T1 3:23, 25-mile bike at 1:17:44, 19.2mph pace, T2 2:41; 10k run, 54:45 - 8:49 pace ) Yeah, like slow is a 1:57 swimming pace! Maybe if you're an automaton from the planet Triathlabot?

So why do tritheletes always think we're slow? Even the people who (unlike me) have no reason to think so?

Meanwhile, my pride and my underarms are both completely chafed, and my husband's cousin will be here in minutes, which means I once again have no time to get ready and I have to play happy couple all day. I think maybe I'd rather be running this week's 4 mile run.

WEEK 8, DAY 5 part 2: Don't cycle at lunch

So I've been on this whole "two workouts a day" kick. And I slept this morning. Which means I had to work out at night. Twice. Fuck that!

Why not do your bike on your lunch break? I thought. You can do 15 miles in an hour or less without pushing too hard.

YEAH RIGHT!

What sucked the most about this ride? The wind! The lack of sunscreen! The forgotten water! The hills! Maybe I didn't eat enough beforehand. And I had to stop by my office to get water. Thank God only one colleague was there. Now I have to stay here late to make up my time. I'm cranky and sunburned and I will never ride at lunch again. My AMPH was under 12. UNDER 12?!!!!! Ahh well. There's always Sunday.

Power yoga tonight . . . release all the kinks! Build some strength! Say aaaaahhh!

WEEK 8, DAY 5 part 1: WORST RUN OF MY LIFE

My Wednesday morning run was amazing: longest run I've completed since I got sick. 6 miles and change felt like slicing through butter. Didn't go fast (close to a 12 minute mile), but still made the best 10k time I've run yet. So, you would think last night's run would have been simpler, since it was only 4 miles.

Not even close.

I wore my "short run" shoes, which I had done some lacing experiment on, and I had to stop 1.11 miles in to COMPLETELY re-lace them and then start my run over. By the time I re-laced, it had taken me that entire mile to warm up anyway. My calf and, really, everything on my right leg was cramping like CRAZY and I kept having to stop and stretch/walk. Then my shorts were riding up. The wires on iPod all over the place. I had to pee in the middle of the run.

Of course, I didn't count the time I spent peeing, so my actual run time was about 44 minutes. At just over 11 minutes a mile, considering the walking and stretching, I should have been very happy, since my goal for any run over 5k is 10 minute miles, and the fact that I can get to 11 while hurting and walking is very encouraging. I don't even think I went 11 minutes and 4 seconds on my 10k PR run the day before. But I'll take a 12-minute mile and a brilliant run over a shitty fast run any day.

I had to come home and massage my shin/calf/foot, elevate, and of course bitch and moan. For the first time since I've been running (and that's almost 12 years), I actually asked myself, Why am I doing this to myself? I asked myself the same question people like to ask me aaallll the time: why do you run? Why do you race? Why do you do triathlons?

I still don't have an answer, so that means I'm not going to stop.

WEEK 8, DAY 4: Some times one workout a day is enough

I woke up this morning at 5am and just couldn't get up. I needed the sleep more than I needed the workout. And, frankly, there are times when sleep > training. So, about once or twice a week, I give myself the freedom to smack snooze and either work out at lunch or only work out once that day. Sure, the fragmented rest I get smacking snooze between 5am and 6:45 isn't great, but it's better than nothing, especially the night after 2 monster workouts like yesterday's. Still, I haven't learned to shake the guilt I feel when I bag a workout for any reason.

I'm going to lunch with the girls from TGC today so I won't get a chance to work out at lunch. That means it's pretty much decided for me that I will work out once - tonight - and the plan is for a 4-mile run. Tomorrow my plan is yoga (or a swim) at night and a ride in the AM, and Saturday is an AM brick (swim/run) with the girls from http://www.tritraining.net/. Sunday I am probably just going to do yoga, although I could use an additional swim day. We'll see what I get done on Friday!

WEEK 8, DAY 3: On ur road bikez, destroyin ur hills and eatin ur 10k runs 4 brkfst

I got mad last night. Really mad. Blazing mad. Spitting mad. Cursing mad.

PR'ing mad.

So I slapped myself on my bike and road 20 miles. Of hills. That's right. The worst thing short of Clermont: Edgewood Ranch and Apopka Vineland. And then the little "bump" on Hiawassee. Two times each. Back to back. When I used to slow to 8mph I slowed to 10. My high speed was close to 30.

This morning: 5am wakeup call. Slept in till 20 of, but shoved myself out the door for my weekly long run. After all, they're only going to get longer. Now, I'd be really slow compared to your average "racer," but I PR'd at 10k distance today. My previous 10k PR was 1:17 and change at last year's Race for the Taste 10k and I ran this morning's at 1:13:11 - giving myself an error time of 1 minute since I used the Nike+ to track my distance and it can be a bit off. This puts my new 10k pace in the high 11 minute/mile range. Again, not speedy, but improvement. A PR IS A PR, NO MATTER HOW UGLY.

As I told Nate, I'm sick of being in the last 75% of the finishers. I am capable of respectable performance and my body needs the push to transform.

I may be having fun, but I'm done playing games.

WEEK 8, DAY 2: Not so PR-happy after all

Today's AM workout: strength. PM: 20 miles, focusing on hills and drills.

I've scheduled my priority "B" race so that I can bridge the distance between this weekend's to help me peak for the Oly. Now that I've been thinking about it for a while, I'm not so happy about this weekend's PR. WTF?!?!? NOT EVEN TWO MINUTES???

Yes, I know. I said any PR is a PR, no matter how ugly. But I should have blown that
motherfucker out of the water. I have been training like a rock star: 10-12 times a week, for God's sake. I have been feeling better. I have been eating better. I've even been sleeping better. I tapered only slightly because not much tapering is needed for a SS distance. And, although I got beaten out of the water by most of the girls, I swam 1/4 mile in just under 7 minutes!! That's not all that slow!!

So where did I lose hold on the race? The swim - I just can't seem to generate enough power. The bike - although I've gotten faster - it was those stupid hills. The run - too short to get my pace. Really need to get PT started. Transitions - can still improve those and HAVE to find a way to make those stupid bungee laces work.

*Sigh.* On to the next one.

I know I can't win. I don't want to. I don't want to qualify for Kona. I just want to be in the top 30%. Even if that means I'm 30 out of 100.

So I'm not quitting until I get the fuck out of the bottom 3/4 of the pack.

WEEK 8 TRAINING: Practice Race PR!!!!!

Well, it was a long and eventful weekend. Friday was my flex day and I spent it doing yoga, getting massaged and resting. I saw both Transformers and Live Free or Die Hard (by the way, Live Free or Die Hard was better!!) Internet was down all weekend and Al was CRANKY. More power yoga on Sunday to help work out the race kinks.

Saturday's practice race could honestly not have gone any better unless I pushed myself a little harder. I got there in plenty of time, the swim course was so short that I was able to swim its entirity as part of my warmup, and I FINALLY MADE A FREAKING PR!!!!!!!

Here's how it boiled down: the swim took me less than 7 minutes, whipping my previous super sprint swim by over a minute. (!!!!) I smoked some serious rubber on the bike except for . . . . . . . the hills. I not only caught up with but outran some people.

Then they caught me on the fucking run (and outran me, too). The run was rough. My calves were really cramping bad and I had no warmup time at all because it was only 1.5 miles. I did pause to stretch just a little but otherwise ran the whole way. Total time: 54:30. Previous super sprint time was over 56 minutes. Sure, I didn't push as hard as I could, but it was a practice race.

Besides, I'll take the PR. I don't care how ugly it is!