The Chicago Story, Day 3/4

 

 

Wow.  It's hard to believe that it's time to leave the Windy City.

I started writing a proper race report, by my phone died. So here are the highlights.

Started injured. Finished only by walking. Probably shouldn't have started, but I did.
Met up with a friend of over a decade who I've actually never met face to face but is one of my best friends.
Met up with some college pals of B's.
Will be hobbling for weeks.
Walking most of a marathon means I got to take pictures and drink beer with randos.

Chicago is definitely my kind of town.

The Chicago Story, Day Two

Today was packet pick-up. Otherwise known as The Day Shit Gets Real. 

Even if I I wasn't nervous, I have to admit, there's nothing like packet pick-up day to bring on a case if the jitters. Oddly, I wasn't remotely nervous about Heartland, an Olympic tri I did this summer, and it was 3/5 as long as my normal marathon.  But this marathon....well....that's. 26.2 miles. And my IT band has been arguing with me. And it's cooler than Florida, but surely 10 degrees warmer than I'd like. And this new plan had me doing a lot more speed work than longer runs. So I have a little case of the pre-race jitters going here.

By now you know that I'm a City Girl and I'm superstitious as hell. I adore city trips and city marathons.  I also search for little signs to encourage me going into a big race: numbers that stand for something - old PRs, special sates, etc.; special meals or places visited. Milestones reached. I am a relatively intelligent and educated woman and I know this us ridiculous, but whatever helps you get through, right?

I got two signs today that bode well for tomorrow:  The race shirt is the best fitting and looking shirt I've had since Savannah, which is where I have my biggest PR. Also, I got The Jacket.

This is my eighth marathon, and every marathon I've been envious of the other marathoners who purchase The Jacket. The Jacket is mostly a thing at Boston, but every marathon has one. It's usually a nice, athletic cut in a tech fabric from a quality maker (Nike, Brooks, etc.)   For the first time, I rewarded myself for all my hard work by getting myself The Jacket.

We did a little bit of walking around the city and had the time to take an architectural boat tour. I haven't yet seen it on foot the way I will tomorrow, but by boat, Chicago is an absolutely breathtaking city.

I'm headed to bed tonight knowing that I have everything prepared...even had a chance to take a nap during the day. Then the Chicago Cubs had a great game and come home to Wrigley tomorrow, so the city will be absolutely electric. Tomorrow is going to be whatever it will be.

I can tell you a few things for sure: I'm excited to be here. I'm happy for the Cubs I'm thrilled to have raised over $2,000 for AKBTC. And Chicago is most definitely My Kind of Town.

Good luck to all the other racers out there!

The Chicago Story, Day One

It's been a long time since I did a daily photo diary of one of my marathon trips, so I thought The Ocho was the perfect place to pick it back up.

The theme for the last few weeks has been "nothing goes to plan," so it should come as no surprise that the plan for my arrival at ORD last night mirrored the last few weeks. Instead of hitting up the expo, though, we did get a chance to have dinner at Portillo's, a perennial Chicago fave, with some college pals.

Unfortunately, I didn't get any cool pics since we went from the airport to the restaurant and hotel and it was pretty much dark, but My Kind of Town is having some beautiful weather and our hotel is a great choice (Expedia deals, anyone?!?!)

Today's plan is just enough walking to keep my legs turned over and early bed: pick up my packet, breakfast for race morning, lay out all my stuff and go on an architectural boat tour.  Apparently even the locals say they're fantastic!

$2,020 raised for A Kids' Brain Tumor Cure.  Couldn't be prouder, but would love to move the needle more. http://akidsbraintumorcure.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&participantID=3320

Better Than Me

Today I'm going to share something about myself that I do not often share.  I'm also starting a one-woman social media movement.

I've been songwriting and singing since I was a pre-teen, and it's been a hobby I've quietly dabbled in since. My first love was singing, my second was dancing and my third was songwriting.  I was too uncoordinated to dance competitively and it was an expensive hobby, but paper and pens were always free.  So was singing.

The reason I bring this up is because I've been thinking a lot lately about the meaning and the purpose of a song I wrote when I was about 19-20.  Some days when I read or sing the lyrics I'm astonished by how much more self-assured I was at that age, as well as how astute I was.

The other thing I find interesting about the song is that I was inspired to write it when I first started running.  

Running was not something that instantly "clicked" for me. Waking up early was hard.  It took me years and loads of blisters to find the right shoes.  But I stuck with it.  And here I am . . .  7 marathons, can't even remember how many halves (13?14?), and a bunch of road races and triathlons later.  I've run through so many life and health and job issues I cannot even recount them all.  I've run in sunshine, rain, snow, sleet, sickness, insanity, victory and health.

Today I ran the Volition America Half Marathon. I'd hoped for a PR, but I did run my second-fastest half, even with all the heat and feeling terrible for weeks.  I was really pleased with that once I gave myself time to get over the initial disappointment . . . while I know not every race can be a PR, I could certainly use one this running season to boost my confidence with all the health issues I've been having.

For whatever reason, this song popped into my head and I had it on mental repeat for the entire race.

Lately I have been struggling with some old demons.  Those demons are related to my own insecurities - I have a tendency to compare myself to others and sometimes be judgmental.   I don't think this is something unique to me.  All of us have demons of some kind, and many of us compare ourselves to others.

#SCTonthego

When I searched for the hashtag #betterthanme after the race today, I realized that every single post I found on social media using the tag was someone claiming that someone - a family member, usually - was doing something better than they were.

And all I could think to myself was no, no, no, NO.  The only person who can be better then you is YOU.

I realized this is something I knew as a younger version of myself, but it took years of racing - against myself - trying to beat my OWN times - to make me realize it.

So I'm starting my own social media movement.  Anything empowering, about self-improvement, about the triumph of the human spirit, about people doing good for other people - anything that represents that idea that whatever needs to be done starts inside one person - and usually the one in the mirror - I'm going to hashtag #betterthanme.  It may never catch on outside of my own world, but that's ok - sometimes the main reason I blog is for myself anyway.  But I'm going to keep doing it.

And, in case you're curious, here's the song, which has changed very little since I penned it in '99. (I actually wrote the music as a tribute to old-school Metallica ballads - think Unforgiven, Sad But True . . .it's actually sort of a response to Better Than You. Maybe someday I'll share the music too.)

Better than Me (Meggan's Theme) (c) 1999

In the face of opposition and the threat of sheer adversity
I refuse to let the fear of failure overpower me
I am running still and I don't know who I am running from - or to
Every mile I place upon these feet is one more victory
Every tear and blister one more drop of pain reminding me
If I don't give in, I can accomplish things I never thought I'd do

I may even be
Better than you

Better than me
Better than you
It doesn't really matter who
What I invest to be the best
Could be judged as self-mutilation, but when I get my due
All the struggling will pay off, believe,

In the end, I may be

Better than you
Better than me

I can see the sun is rising, soon the day will break
I will be gone long before some others even wake
But I cannot lose focus now by worrying ‘bout anything but me
Fine, ignore the glitter of this culture's promises and faulty  praise
But when you break the promises you make yourself, there's hell to pay
You can be your own best friend, or you can be your own worst enemy

That's why I fight each day to be
Better than me

Better than me
Better than you
It doesn't matter what I do
What I invest to be the best
Could be somebody else’s nothing, but I will have my due
All the suffring will pay off, believe
In the end I may be
Better than you
Better than me

I'd be a cookie cutter in a tin
Packaged up and shipped away like all my brothers
No matter which rank they file me in
I won't be someone's creation like the others
Cause they don't really give a damn
Once you’re out of sight, you're finished, and forgotten with the rest
But only I create who I am
And when it's me who's left I'm going to be the best

Better than you
Better than me
As my own sense of serenity,
What does it matter how they splatter my name,
How they judge or how they blame?
In the end the judgement's not our job to do

How could I ever be better than you?
When I can only be
Better than me

T-Minus One Month to Liftoff

Just over 4 weeks to Chicago.

In a little over a month, I'll be covering the streets of one of my fave cities -  one I have not seen in great detail as an adult. I'm looking forward to finding my race day outfit and setting up post-race plans with area friends.

(Peyton, my honoree, likes pink and blue.  If you know me, you know pink is NOT my thing. I begrudgingly own a few items because I otherwise loved the fit, shape, etc. and they came in no other color.  But I love this kid and this is HER race, so I would wear vomit green if that's what she liked.)

Decked out in our gold accouterments

I'm also in the home stretch for fundraising. I had a great time this week at the Gold Gala.  Between local and virtual attendance, we raised another $300 for A Kids' Brain Tumor Cure, which means I also am only $300 from my goal with about 4 weeks left.

Funk Engine Kitty is like....
really? this funk? again?

And, even with all this good stuff going on, I've been having a rough couple weeks physically, which has put me back in a baby funk. I have a persistent infection and am not feeling well on top of fundraising, event planning for me and the club, work, etc, etc, It has been hard for me to have a good, solid long run or a good, mid-distance speed/tempo run lately, partly because of all this.

I was talking about this with a fellow runner and massage therapist earlier this week; for one of my recent marathons (can't remember if it was Huntsville or maybe even Seattle), I had an entire training season without that breakthrough run.

It can be really confidence-shaking - to an inexperienced marathoner because you haven't developed that "I can do this" sense of efficacy, and to an experienced one because you know what to expect and you either want to PR really bad or just feel good.  And right now my mental preparation is sorely lacking that run.

Anyone who's ever done 26.2 miles a few times knows that the golden moment of your training plan is that run.

I'm talking about the one that, upon its conclusion, makes you think to yourself
I got this
OR
Bring it on, BITCHES
OR
I can hand this race its ass
OR
I'm gonna own that 26.2 miles IN THE FACE

I had a few of these toward the beginning (my two double long runs), but for the past month or so, what I have had is:
My bladder hurts
AND
I have to stop to pee AGAIN?
AND
Can you come pick me up at mile 8?
AND
Fuck this, I'm getting off this GD treadmill

I bagged my recent 20 mile bunched run (10 miles one night, 10 in the morning became 3 in the evening and 3 in the morning), and just couldn't get farther than about 8 miles for this week's 15-miler.  Baby fevers, aches, and just a fatigue that makes it hard to lift my feet.

I even took a weekend really easy and did nothing but walk St. Augustine
and paddleboard with the club to give myself a break

It has been hard not to get down on myself about not making many of my long runs or not feeling great on some of the runs I've completed.  I try to tell myself daily that I am doing a great job of getting in as much as I can and that I should feel proud for all I do when I am not feeling great, etc.

But sometimes when it is only your internal dialogue it feels like bullshit you hear that from someone else it really is uplifting.

Yesterday someone in my life who is not effusively complimentary gave me the first real compliment I've ever gotten from him related to this.... he told me he was impressed with all I manage to do with what I have (physically) going on.  It was just one of those days where I felt like absolutely nothing I did was enough.  But the pat on the back gave me the guts I needed to keep going on a night where I felt like crap.

My parting sentiment today is be encouraging.  I know we all have people we dislike, have falling-outs with, or who just straight up do us wrong.  Put all those people aside and take some time to just encourage someone in your life who could use it.  I promise, it will make you forget all the assholes in the world when you see just how much it means to them.  You can tell yourself a million times that you're doing your best, but sometimes a kind word from another really helps you feel like you are.

And with that, I'm off to try to rest up for the week.

The Chicago Story

My kind of town, Chicago is
My kind of town, Chicago is
My kind of razzmatazz
And it has, all that jazz

- Frank Sinatra

Several months ago I noticed that one of my friend's posts on Facebook were looking a little grim. And, during a phone conversation about something of similar weight and gravity, she revealed to me that her oldest daughter had recently been diagnosed with (and had surgery for) a rare brain tumor.  She explained to me that her daughter (Peyton, who turns 9 this year), had essentially had to re-learn to walk because of the surgery. At this point, there's no way of knowing if she can ever really be "fixed" or "cured." We still don't know for sure if her pituitary gland was damaged in the surgery - they'll have to monitor her as she grows.

I wish there was a way to describe how I felt at that moment.  I've had cancer, many in my family have had cancer - we're no stranger to tumors.  And yet, hearing that this child (who I've known since before she was born) had endured as much, if not more, than any of us have . . .well. it horrified me.  And it's stuck with me ever since.

As I've mentioned, I had my name in the lottery for the Chicago Marathon this year. When I saw that A Kids Brain Tumor Cure was looking for athletes to fundraise for their organization, it did not take me long to decide that I wanted to give up on the lottery and agree to fundraise for AKBTC instead. 

L-R: Peyton's dad, Peyton, and little sister Layla

I try to do a big fundraiser for a cause I believe in about every other year, but this one is extremely special to me.  For one thing, AKBTC sends a large percentage of their funds to the actual research and clinical trials.  For another, I don't want other families to have to go through what Peyton's family has gone through.

So my 8th marathon will be run in Peyton's honor.  I'll be wearing her favorite colors when I run the race in October. She and I will be working on different events together for the next few months - we're going to have some virtual events so family and friends in Wisconsin and Florida can participate. And, since this will be my 8th marathon, I've decided to call it P8on's Race.

If you feel moved to contribute or share, it would be most welcome.  If not, wish me luck as I begin to crossover my tri training and marathon training this June for Peyton's Race.

http://akidsbraintumorcure.donordrive.com/participant/p8on

Chicago, here I come.