BFs, R2Cs,and GDHB's

I think I picked this week to come out of hibernation from posting for a couple reasons. Besides having time on the couch because I'm home sick, this week I had my 5-year scan, and I've had some awesome races and workouts lately.  

I post about this every time I have a cold, infection, or other minor illness: I'm sick as hell, I feel like whining about how sick I am, but DAMN am I happy about it. I probably will barely touch my sick hours, when I used to burn them up; I used to be so sick that even I didn't know how sick I was; and I'll probably get over this cold in 3 days, when I used to have them for weeks and run through dual courses of antibiotics.

I started doing something on social media that I may have mentioned.  I love to celebrate - I know I've mentioned that - for any reason at all. So every day, I post at least one thing I call my "R2C." It stands for Reason to Celebrate. It's something to be happy, grateful, or excited about.

I know there are lots of social media movements involving gratitude, but I also know that in my days - and a lot of people's days - a lot of crazy shit goes down (last night, a brake lamp fell into my brake lamp housing while I was trying to change it, just after I splashed gas all over and ended up at work 1.5 hours later than planned).  I also know that I have major FOMO - and social media makes it worse.  Look! He got a new job. Wow! She got engaged.  ME? I  got stuck at work an hour and a half late, went to the doctor and paid a stranger to get all up in my bidniss, broke my brake light off into my 10-year-old car that I still need to repair, and spilled gas everywhere.

IT's WAY too easy to throw up your hands, throw out an "FML" or two, and peace out.

This day I looked skinny(ish), and that was a reason to celebrate

I believe that being positive doesn't mean you don't just accept the bad, the crazy, the nonsensical - and it doesn't mean you don't talk about it or think about it.  But it does mean that you when you're done with your bitchfit (BF, as I call it), you back the truck up and say, whoa - this is temporary or hey, despite the shit that fell in my lap today, x happened, and that was amazing.

So every day, I think about some little (or big) part of my day that particularly made me engage in one of my single-woman dance parties, and then I post it. The conscious act of acknowledging how many great things happen every day - even the crazy ones - makes me really appreciate what I have.

It's The Big One, Ethel

The 5-year scan is The Big One for a few reasons: 5 years is the marker for what some call remission and what a lot of us call finding NED (No Evidence of Disease.)  Also, we've been following a calcified lymph node in my neck for the last 3 years, so this scan may (finally) determine whether I need more surgery. Regardless of what happens, I will still need bloodwork every 3-6 months and scans every 6-18 months for a long time, if not ever, because of the lymph node issues, but this scan may at least give me a plan for the year.  


I like plans. I like to have at least a rough idea of what the heck is going to happen.

I had a lot of downtime from training and racing the last two years, so I lost some speed on the bike, but I gained a lot of other things.

First of all, I solidified this idea that I want to be what I call a GDHB (Genuinely Decent Human Being). I want to be the kind of person I would look up to. I want to be able to walk away from situations and know that my responses and reactions were void of maliciousness and pettiness.  I have a tendency to get too caught up in my own head - too worried about what others think.  So I'm really working on silencing those nitpicky inner voices and having the perspective that, most of the time, it really is not about ME at all.

That idea is breathtakingly liberating.

The newbies in the beginner tri group are doing awesome.  They did their first 5k a few weeks ago, and the B did his first race since high school. A few weeks when I've been busy or sick, he's even made some workouts I haven't, which is a major first. Whenever I can get to marshal rides or help with runs or pitch in a few hours to help with the tri club, I am there.  I did my volunteer orientation with the local coalition for the homeless and have been working out some ways I can fit money or time for grassroots efforts into my routine. I also have some other things I may focus on and some ideas of ways I can help a few local charities, a few national charities, and just generally be a kinder and more helpful person every day.

Every time I feel like there's a chance to give back and it's with resources I have at my disposal, instead of thinking twice, I do it.

Blogging has taken a backseat to all of these things.  Blogging feels like it's always just about me, and I feel like it's really time to focus on other people and not on myself - hence the #getinvolved and #giveback.  

So if you don't hear from me for a while, just know it's because I'm busy swimming, biking, running, working, volunteering, and just trying to be a GDHB.  And, if you do hear from me again soon, expect that this will be a recurring theme.

On this note, I leave you with a parting thought.  Are you the kind of person you would look up to?  If not, maybe it is time to change. Whether you change something you do or who you look up to is your call.

Fast is Relative: The 2013 Watermelon 5k RR

Just around mile 2.5 - realizing
I was about to PR

If you drink, don't drive - do the watermelon crawl . . .

-Tracy Byrd

This week's speed work was a local 5k called the Watermelon Run.  It is always on July 4th, is an untimed fun run where only the top 10 times are even posted, and is always sickeningly humid.  The race includes - of all things - a watermelon-eating contest.

I didn't sleep very well last night, it was almost 90% humidity, and I had only planned for a Fun Run to practice my speed and my new 5k strategy.  So imagine my surprise when 1)I ran into some of my favorite athletes, 2)the strategy worked - didn't blow up until about mile 2.5 when I usually blow up at mile 1.5 . . .and 3) I beat my best time by 10 seconds.

 . . . per mile. 

An unintentional 30-second PR at the 5k distance.


Afterwards, during breakfast with my friends, one of them said to me you are fast.  Of course, I don't think I'm fast, so I told her that.  Her response was
you're faster than me, so that makes you fast in my book.

It made me really think about how fast is relative. No matter how fast we get, there will always be someone faster.



Tired, hot and sweaty - but so happy

It also made me think of something I once said in this blog: no matter how fast I get, I never want to stop having fun.  I am certainly going to have my moment where a race didn't go as I would have liked and I didn't finish in the time I'd hoped, but I still think giggling is completely appropriate before, during, AND after any race.

The PR was a big confidence booster.  The past few weeks have been rough. Mom is midway through chemo and not feeling so hot. Arnie's tumor is coming back, so he is back on his second pill (2 pills a day, then 3 every other day).  I also have the other cat relocated to encourage her to eat (so far so good), so I am traipsing back and forth to see her too.  I also have follow-up doctor's appointments for all the tests of my own.  Just getting in 2/3 to 3/4 of my workouts has been hard.



Fast is relative

I may have mentioned that one of the frustrating things about being young and having health challenges is the lack of ability to feel young and free. I handle that pretty well most of the time, but with all the new stuff added in, I find myself feeling somewhat isolated. I can't see my friends as often as I want. Sometimes it's hard just to juggle school, work, and workouts.

Workouts - and races - are my escape.

Today's race was a much-needed break from the monotony of work, study, sleep, tend sickies.  I got to PR, I got out for breakfast, and I got to see some of my cycling/running friends.  I can't think of any better way to celebrate Independence Day than getting free of my own little world and out of my head.


All in all, it was a brilliant day.

Happy 4th of July!!

On Milestones and Toothpaste

To say that this was one of the biggest weeks of my life would be an understatement. It was a week of goals and milestones; nothing dull or ordinary about it. Some of them were excellent; some of them were depressing.

None of them were insignificant.

On Monday, I was still flying high from my first road race. On Wednesday, I got my first PhD rejection letter. Unfortunately, it was from the school I really wanted to attend. There are lots of things I could say to sugar-coat my disappointment. As anyone who has ever applied to a competitive program (grad OR undergrad) will tell you, it isn’t about the school YOU pick as much as it is the school that wants YOU. I have been working a full time job plus 1-2 teaching assistantships plus 1-2 research projects every single term for two years, and knowing that I didn’t get recommended for the school I’ve worked so hard with was a bitter pill to swallow. I can’t say there weren’t tears. But, within an hour of the news, despite my tummy still aching, I was moving on to plans B, C and D (yes, I have that many).

On Thursday, I had my regular 3-month visit with the endocrinologist. My TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) levels are up, which is usually not good, but my thyroglobulin and antibodies are down, which is very good. This means I don’t need a full body scan with the thyrogen shot and the fasting and the whole nine yards – just an ultrasound. So my medicine got adjusted once more, and I go back (as always) in 3 months, and then schedule the ultrasound from there. Couple more years to remission.

Saturday was my first 5k since 2009, and I was originally supposed to run with a friend, but she was unable to race as planned. The race was my baseline for the season; I wanted to see how much faster I’ve gotten since my last 5k. The answer was – despite all the craziness of the week, the stomachache, last week’s tough times, and racing two weeks in a row – a LOT.

Previous 5k PR in 2009 - 31:47
Training 5k PR this year – 29:xx
Super-Lofty Goal Time: 25-28
Saturday’s Result – 28:34

Don't get offended; I'm not promoting cigarette
use.  This pic was just funny.

For the record: 5ks hurt.  Like a bitch.  I still believe 5ks are harder than marathons.  Marathons don't make you see blurry-eyed and nauseous, and they don't hurt as bad.  Also for the record: my 61.7-mile training ride for The Tour de Mom did not hurt the next day as I suspected it might.

File this under: you've come a long way, baby.

Today I got an e-mail with my official results recap. I was 27 out if 196 in my age group; 259 out of 1837 total runners; the highest I’ve ever placed in a non-tri race. It was only then that I realized something: even though I am still not what you can really call “fast,” I have finally succeeded in moving myself from the bottom 15-20% of the pack to the top 15-20%. I have also succeeded in regularly maintaining a single-digit per-mile pace in short races. These were two of my three biggest goals.

6 years ago, when I started this racing nonsense, if you had told me I would do this all while (happily) working what amounts to 3 jobs and fighting cancer, I would have slapped the shit out of you for being such a liar.

The accomplishment embodied the dichotomous spirit of the week: on one hand, it’s time to celebrate. On another, you can’t stop thinking what next?

One of my tri coaches says that making progress in the sport is like a tube of toothpaste.  When you first buy the tube, you can squeeze anywhere and get something out.  But, once you've been doing it for a while, you have to start rolling the tube up and squeezing it from the bottom just to get a little out. 

Well, my toothpaste tube us starting to get rolled up, so what’s next is a big enough topic to fill a post of its own.  For now – we will celebrate. But, just like my moment of anger on Wednesday, the celebration won’t last for too long. Because whether something is good or bad, a milestone always has two basic steps: first you celebrate, or mourn, or whatever the case may be - then you dig in.

And once you dig in, you get The Week in Song Lyrics.

(Like you didn't see that coming.)


The Week in Song Lyrics: Dig In (Lenny Kravitz)

It's time to face it
Come on in and join the party
Life has been waiting for you to care
Don't try to fake it, jump on in and get it started
There's so much lovin' for you to share

There is nowhere to run
There is no way to hide
Don't let it beat you
Say "Nice to meet you" and "Bye"

Once you dig in
You'll find it coming out the other side
And once you dig in
You'll find you'll have yourself a good time

Wake up and shake it
You didn't make your contribution
There ain't no time for you to spare
If you ain't part of the game
Then how can you find a solution?
Nobody said that it would be fair

When the mountain is high
Just look up to the sky
Ask God to teach you
Then persevere with a smile

And once you dig in . . .