I've had a scan before, so I have to admit that I didn't think anything big about this one, despite the thyrogen injections and the ridiculous fasting/laxative combo. But I was oh, so wrong: the week was a blur of mild headaches, subtle nausea, flu-like symptoms, and a nosebleed that still hasn't gone away. (Might I add: not a single ounce lost. Why do people do this on purpose?)
It (and the rest of my crazy schedule) has left me a little overwhelmed.
I kept a pretty loose workout schedule last week - a 2.63-mile run, a 3-mile run, a 39.6-mile ride and a 1-mile swim - but I am still in that weird limbo where I don't know if I should be resting when I'm tired or pushing it a little. In the past, pushing just a little always helped. But now, I feel ambivalent - overtired and uncertain alternating with confident and determined. I'm freaked out a bit and ready for Wednesday to come.
This diagnosis isn't just about beating cancer for me - it's about reclaiming my life as a well person. For nearly 10 years of my life, I've been the sick girl, yet I've hid it so well that half the people who know me forgot, glossed over, or outright denied that I was ill. And I'm tired of being the sick girl, in either variation, outright invalid OR silent sufferer. Not having cancer isn't about not needing more treatments as much as it is leaving "the sick girl" in my past . . . . for good. I'll be a cancer SURVIVOR all day long, because a survivor is what I've always been anyway. A cancer PATIENT, on the other hand . . . there's an f-word around here somewhere I'd like to use.
Of course, there will be follow-ups for life, including medication adjustments, but those will be almost exactly as they are for someone with thyroid disease, not thyroid cancer. Which makes the process a bit more manageable and predictable.
For now, I'm just ready for NED.
And also, ready for BED.