An important person told me a while ago that maybe 2009 was "the year of the MAJ." Sounded like the Chinese Zodiac. I like that. Besides, who doesn't want their own year? Who doesn't want to have the year of their life? After the year I've had, I can use an improvement. And, as I started reading blogs and listening to my friends and family and co-workers talk about their lives, I realize that (while my issues and drama are extreme to the nth power,) everyone has had a really rough 2008 in their own way. And most of them are praying for 2009 to kick 2008's ass.
This weekend I went out with my friend Heather and her fiance, Ashby. They've also had a really rough 2008. We were playing an electronic game one night and had to enter our initials for our score. H. started typing in the letters "HMA," and then I told her we should start calling ourselves HAM. So (after a giggling fit), we did.
I got to thinking about Ham and 2009. (Pork products factor into my friendships pretty heavily, oddly enough. I was once told by the "other blonde" who hangs out with my Latin friends that she was going to call me Pork - The Other White Meat.) Ham was the reason I missed my 5k on November 1 - a Halloween dinner that turned into the 3 of us closing a bar. In retrospect, that was one of the best times I've ever had. Whenever Ham is together, everyone wants to be there. We have a blast everywhere we go, taking ridiculous pictures of each other, giggling until we cry and dancing until our feet are blistered. (I do look kind of oink-y in that first picture. Leave me alone. We were loaded and it was New Year's Eve.)
What if, I thought, I had that same attitude every day of 2009? That everywhere I go is everywhere I want (and everyone else wants) to be? Imagine the difference if I switched my perspective to that permanently - to the point of view that I already have everything I want and need, and that I live a charmed life, full of amazing people who love and live and laugh and even work with me. The more I thought about this, the better it sounded. It would improve everything in my life, from my job to my health to my training.
I went on a 5-mile run this morning with Al, even though I was quite worn out from the weekend's shenanigans. I was 1.5 minutes per mile faster than last week's 8.4-miler. He and I were chatting about how we have such a hard time keeping up with training during the holidays and how hard it is to find balance. This made me realize that, not only am I the only person who had a rough 2008, but that we're all, always, constantly, searching for balance. I explained Wes and Wes's recent blog about cycles to Al - Wes is a good example of someone whose perspective and sense of balance are strong and positive.
Basically, I want to have my Ham and eat it, too. Yuk, yuk.
That's my ultimate goal - to tie it all together. To be able to love my life and friends and work, and to be able to train and work and study efficiently without burning myself out or letting my various difficulties hold me back. Sure, yeah -I need to lose more weight and conquer my emotional issues and health and specific crap. I'm sure I'll have more to say about those things later on. But none of them will follow if I don't deal with the first part.
And isn't that really what everyone wants?
Let's hope I train harder this week. But I'm already way farther ahead than ever as I enter my 4th year of racing. I'm still hoping to have enough money to sign up for Florida Half Ironman in two weeks if it hasn't sold out. I have a lot of other financial things going on and I'm going to have to seriously squeeze that money out of my budget, but it means a lot to me.
Until next time.