Shots! - A Perspective Piece

This is a short perspective piece. Or it's a short piece on perspective.

You see what I did there?

This morning, while giving myself my weekly B12 injection, (I may have missed it last week. Oops.) I started thinking about all the people who get B12 injections for their purported health benefits. This is not a debate or discussion about what the benefits are.  It's just an example to illustrate how 

I think I'll try those B12 shots to lose some weight and gain energy!

Sounds and feels totally different than

I'm so deficient that I have to give myself injections every week!

Or

Shots! Shots, shots, shots shots shots

Shots! Shots, shots, shots shots 

Shots! Shots, shots, shots shots

Everybody! 

- LMFAO+Lil Jon

You get the point.  There are probably 5 different ways to approach this.

Saturday is the first tri of the season, and although I'm aiming for some specific goals, a wicked chest cold stopped me from training much last week and a violent migraine slowed me this week.   Texting about this with a friend, I realized that I use the expressions "the good news is" and "on the plus side" so much that my phone has memorized them. So

The good news is

I've done this a few times.  (Next year will be 10 years running and 2017 will be 10 years tri-ing). My first tri, also on this same beach, was when I was SUPER under-trained, a LOT heavier, and a ton sicker.

On the plus side

I may not go out there and blow anyone away, but I'm going to get some valuable racing experience to add to my list. I've learned that how "well" you do in a race is relative to the conditions (other competitors, your health, the weather.)

Funny how racing is a lot like life.

Funny how the same sets of words can have depending on the context.

Or maybe not funny. Depending on your perspective.

Continuity Training, Perspective, and Budget

Right now I'm doing what I call Continuity Training.

Basically, before my thryoidectomy, I want to get into racing condition. That way, I'm in better shape to fight during recovery AND I am prepared in advance if the thyroidectomy and hormone supression cause weight gain/ difficulty. And, of course, if *cross fingers* it's NOT cancer, or I DON'T need rads, I can still try to race and train with little lost fitness after surgery. (The Thyroid Cancer Survivors Group call it RAI for radiocative isotope, but I like rads. It's funnier. I ws a child of the 80s. It makes killing cancer seem . . .well . . . rad.)

Last night I logged almost two miles on the tread followed by an hour-long yoga class. It sure as hell wasn't the power yoga I love and really can't afford right now, but it was better than no yoga at all. (On the plus side, since I'm used to hot-as-hell, ass-kicking vinyasa/ashtanga yoga, I felt like a pro in the class despite my long-time absence from regular practice.) I met a girlfriend and we both ran late, so my goal of 2-3 miles as my return to running was cut a little short.

Tonight's plan is an hour-long spin class. Tomorrow is either run/weights or run/swim. Saturday and Sunday depend on what I accomplish Friday, but I need at least 1 long swim and bike.

Remember PERSPECTIVE and BUDGET? When I started this year's training blog, I mentioned that those two concepts would shape the overall theme of my year.

Without further adieu, here are the updates on those two.

first, the short one: BUDGET

I was FINALLY able to drop the second line I'd added to my cell phone plan (for someone who ended up never paying for it, anyway.) Now, since I don't have a "share" plan, I can also jump down in minutes. Total savings: $30-40 a month.

Second, I found the shoe I'm wearing now online, and the next chance I get, I will probably buy one or two pair. They're $40 a pair cheaper than "next year's model." Even if I don't end up RACING at FL 70.3, I will need them. I'm on the hunt for last year's cycling shoe, too!

Last, I found a gym with a pool and multiple locations. This month will be expensive for me because I joined just as my last YMCA dues hit - but, going forward, it will save me $30 a month.

I need a second to whine here . . .

This gym is NOT the Y. The showers are not as pretty. There's not free towel service. It's one of those standard, traditional, meat-market fitness mills. I miss the Y.

But . . .

It's clean, it's a LOT nicer than a Bally Total Fitness, they all have pools, and it's HALF THE PRICE. Probably the best part of all of it is that I can now work out with 2 of my girlfriends, too. That's gonna be important in the coming months when sugery, meds and (hopefully not, but possibly) radiation get me feeling like ass.

now,for PERSPECTIVE

I'm the heaviest I've ever been, I know I look awful in tight clothes, yet I walked in the gym last night like I owned the place.

Why?

Well, pardon me while I toot my own horn here, but . . .

I'm a full 30-70 pounds heavier than most of the women in that gym, but I'm capable of running 26.2 miles, swimming miles and miles, and cycling distances most of them never dreamed of attempting.

And I've been doing it all with asthma and thryoid cancer.

Yeah, I know I've always had health problems. Health problems people didn't believe existed or didn't understand. But asthma? People understand the severity of asthma. Thyroid disease? People understand. And cancer people definitely don't underestimate.

But it's not just that. For some reason, it hit me last night, that I have been working full time, going to school (some times full time), and complaining about a 3.89 GPA, a 6-minute PR and how my bosses aren't pleased that I'm only SECOND in the company at certain projects, etc. And I've been doing THAT all with asthma and thryoid cancer.

See, I never really believed I was doing my best. Even when I gave 100%. I never, ever, EVER believed I was good enough. I ALWAYS thought I could push harder, give more, score higher.

After a hard test, I'd get back a 90% and think, if I had studied better, I could have gotten a 95.
After a hard race, I'd look back at my time and think, if I had pushed harder, I could have PR'd (or PR'd by more).
After a rough day at work, I'd always get defensive about the incessant criticism I recieve and think, they need to be happy that I'm doing as well as I am.

The truth was, *I* needed to be happy I was doing that well.

Now I look at ALL of that and think, on top of the financial, family, emotional, mental, relationship, and work problems I don't even SHARE with anyone . . .

I've been doing it all with asthma and thryoid cancer.

And, all of a sudden, I feel like fucking superwoman.

How's THAT for persepctive?

It's like I have a new lease on life. Now, instead of feeling like what can I do?, I'm having more and more frequent moments of what can't I do??

don't get me wrong - there are still bad moments. There has been, and will continue to be, depression, frustration, crying jags, and all-out despair.

But at least I know now what I'm really capable of. And it gives me completely different perspective on my goals and on my past accomplishments/disappointments. Sometimes I even catch myself thinking, if I can make it through this, I can make it through anything.

2009: The Year of the Ham

An important person told me a while ago that maybe 2009 was "the year of the MAJ." Sounded like the Chinese Zodiac. I like that. Besides, who doesn't want their own year? Who doesn't want to have the year of their life? After the year I've had, I can use an improvement. And, as I started reading blogs and listening to my friends and family and co-workers talk about their lives, I realize that (while my issues and drama are extreme to the nth power,) everyone has had a really rough 2008 in their own way. And most of them are praying for 2009 to kick 2008's ass.


This weekend I went out with my friend Heather and her fiance, Ashby. They've also had a really rough 2008. We were playing an electronic game one night and had to enter our initials for our score. H. started typing in the letters "HMA," and then I told her we should start calling ourselves HAM. So (after a giggling fit), we did.




I got to thinking about Ham and 2009. (Pork products factor into my friendships pretty heavily, oddly enough. I was once told by the "other blonde" who hangs out with my Latin friends that she was going to call me Pork - The Other White Meat.) Ham was the reason I missed my 5k on November 1 - a Halloween dinner that turned into the 3 of us closing a bar. In retrospect, that was one of the best times I've ever had. Whenever Ham is together, everyone wants to be there. We have a blast everywhere we go, taking ridiculous pictures of each other, giggling until we cry and dancing until our feet are blistered. (I do look kind of oink-y in that first picture. Leave me alone. We were loaded and it was New Year's Eve.)


What if, I thought, I had that same attitude every day of 2009? That everywhere I go is everywhere I want (and everyone else wants) to be? Imagine the difference if I switched my perspective to that permanently - to the point of view that I already have everything I want and need, and that I live a charmed life, full of amazing people who love and live and laugh and even work with me. The more I thought about this, the better it sounded. It would improve everything in my life, from my job to my health to my training.


I went on a 5-mile run this morning with Al, even though I was quite worn out from the weekend's shenanigans. I was 1.5 minutes per mile faster than last week's 8.4-miler. He and I were chatting about how we have such a hard time keeping up with training during the holidays and how hard it is to find balance. This made me realize that, not only am I the only person who had a rough 2008, but that we're all, always, constantly, searching for balance. I explained Wes and Wes's recent blog about cycles to Al - Wes is a good example of someone whose perspective and sense of balance are strong and positive.


Basically, I want to have my Ham and eat it, too. Yuk, yuk.


That's my ultimate goal - to tie it all together. To be able to love my life and friends and work, and to be able to train and work and study efficiently without burning myself out or letting my various difficulties hold me back. Sure, yeah -I need to lose more weight and conquer my emotional issues and health and specific crap. I'm sure I'll have more to say about those things later on. But none of them will follow if I don't deal with the first part.


And isn't that really what everyone wants?


Let's hope I train harder this week. But I'm already way farther ahead than ever as I enter my 4th year of racing. I'm still hoping to have enough money to sign up for Florida Half Ironman in two weeks if it hasn't sold out. I have a lot of other financial things going on and I'm going to have to seriously squeeze that money out of my budget, but it means a lot to me.

Until next time.

Marathon Training, Week 2: 3 runs, 16 miles, On to Next Week

My speed? Lost.

My endurance? Never changed.

My perspective? Well, that changes from day to day - something I should remember. Especially considering that two really smart people told me to get some this weekend.

I slept from about 6:30pm yesterday until about 2am; got up to let the poor puppy out so he wouldn't be stuck in his crate until I woke up 12 hours later; hauled my ass out of bed at 6:30am and went on an 8-mile run. My first run of any distance greater than 5 miles since May. I thought I ran it in 1:47:10, or about 13.375 minutes/mile. I ran the OUC Half Marathon in 2006 at 12.5-minutes/mile, and my goal pace for this year's is 11-11.5, so 13.375 is a decent LSD pace. But when I calculated my route, it looks like I actually took about 1:56:23 to do the whole 8 miles, so that's 14.5 minutes/mile. I started walking too early because I thought I was already done and wanted to cool down.

Some things I forgot since I haven't run more than 5 miles in a while:

• Some times a slightly faster pace feels better. Stiffness and chafing seem to get worse at slower speeds.
• More than 5 miles feels like a long distance.
• Speaking of chafing, 8 miles is long enough for chafing to be a factor. Oops. Body Glide next time.
• Some times more than 30oz of beverage is needed. Drink early, drink often.
• Hats can cause headaches on longer runs, regardless of how loose they are.

That's about all. It was a nice, overcast, low-70s temp with a slight breeze.

Tomorrow: 3 miles and strength. Tuesday: 3 mi pace run. Wednesday: Rest. Thursday: LSD, I think about 11 miles. Friday: strength. Saturday: Rest. Sunday: 10k race.