I went to bed last night with a very rumbly tummy. My heart was pounding and I woke at 2am, unable to sleep. Was this because my going-away party didn't go well, or because I drank too much? Nope. It was because I had a date with fate: this morning's workout was scheduled for me. It was something I simply had to do - it was just a matter of when. Since I was diagnosed with all of my problems, I have not made it the full 1k in open water across Lake Cane and back.
I have to admit, I've been terrified. If you think openwater-swimming-related disorientation is scary, try it with double-ear vestibular vertigo and heart palpitations. My memories of openwater swimming were undeniably tainted by these experiences: being pulled out of the water at the TriAmerica Sprint, followed by Lucky's. Lucky's was the last time I tried to do the swim and erase my fear of openwater-swimming-exacerbated vertigo. I was running late. The ride burned me all the way there. And when I got into the water, I made it 300m. I came out almost in tears I was stumbling and spinning so drunkenly, trying to quickly run away from the other swimmers and get back onto my bike before anyone noticed.But today I woke with it written down in my heart and head that I was going to erase that fear. After all, I've been swiming 2k or more in pools for ages - and while I know openwater swims are almost a different sport than pool swims, my training alone made it physically possible. But it was more than that: I knew that if I didn't do the entire swim, I would be allowing that fear to own me.
Lesson #1: What you don't own, owns you.
The workout: 5 mile bike ride down to Lucky Meisenheimer's house to do the 1k swim across Lake Cane. Meeting the girls from http://blog.myspace.com/www.tritraining.net 5 mile ride home.
I took it easy on the ride over. For the first time since I got my bike, I allowed myself to coast on the big hills. I stopped telling myself that just because I have a full carbon road bike I have to ride 20mph all the time - after all, I need to save my energy for the swim. That's when I learned lesson number two.
Lesson #2: Trainin' ain't racin'.
The result? I accomplished more than I arrived to do.5 mile bike (easy speed, average 12mph)1 mile run (11-12 min mile)1k swim (16-17 minutes per 500)1 mile run (11-12 min mile)5 mile bike (same average speed)Not only did I do the 10mi ride, the 1k swim, I ran two miles. I wasn't the last swimmer, and I wasn't the slowest runner, and I was the only one who also rode. Partly because of the support I had - training teammates REALLY help - but partly because I owned that fear and I didn't train like I was racing. I trained like I was training. I am going to be doing this until the day I die. I have a long way to go. And fear is not going to own me any more.
Currently listening : Killer Queen-a Tribute to Queen By Killer Queen-a Tribute to Queen Release date: 19 December, 2006