When the wheels come off the wagon, borrow a go-kart

Wheels - Y U NO STAY ON WAGON?!?!!?
(What, you've never seen "Y U NO" Guy!??!)
National Running Day was Wednesday.

I, being the rebel that I am, did not run.

Seriously.  These are awesome.

Ok, so it has nothing to do with being all rebellious and enigmatic, and more to do with the fact that I just did a running lactate threshold test Tuesday AND I had an appointment before work, metric shit tons of homework, and worked until 9.  AND my left knee has been bugging me a little - not so much when I run, but when I wear certain shoes. 

(This is a topic for another day, but I know  I'm going to have to give high heels up eventually if I want to train (and/or walk when I get older . . . the podiatrist has told me so. ) But I heart them. And I'm under 5' tall and I have a little bit of a Napoleon complex.)
Three words.
Blue suede shoes.
On the plus side, I've raised my lactate threshold. It certainly made me feel better about how slow I've been lately. At least there's some quantifiable evidence that I am fit-ter, even though my training times are not very pretty.

Anyway, I almost forgot about National Running Day until Bob reminded me.  And then I was all like, who??wha??

Mister Arnold Palmer
aka Arnie aka Fats
It made me realize that this blog has been a whole lot about  life and a whole little about training.  The last few weeks have been light as I move from tri to marathon season, and while I wait for news on myself, Mom, Dad and Arnie.  All the work stress and school stress and the general "holding pattern" I've been in have exhausted me. 

The wheels keep coming off the damn wagon every time I get this thing rolling again.

Unfortunately, that is not going to change.  After two weeks of waiting, the results came back from my PET scan, and while the mass in my lymph nodes is not active (which means it's not thyroid cancer recurrence) the PET scan showed a completely unexpected mass elsewhere. The doctor is not sure whether it is benign or malignant.  Next week I'll be going in for a different kind of ultrasound to determine more.  

I sat here for a while trying to decide whether to post this.  I don't really have any answers, and I'm not one to blog about things before I have answers, because that has backfired on me in the past, but this is going to keep me in a holding pattern for a while and it certainly impacts training.

Of course my first reaction was a little freaked out.  Just because you've had one cancer doesn't mean you're automatically all like, NBD man! I might have another kind, but it's all good.

I'm also peeved that it took two weeks for results, stressed, and frustrated about a possible cramp in my marathoning style.  I truly haven't been feeling great from all the extra stress, so that's slowed my training down, too  Every week is a scramble to secure every last minute I have.  I only see friends for meals, and when I do, I duck out to either sleep or finish homework.

Maybe the wheels weren't meant to be on the wagon?

Nonetheless, the results of the next few weeks are going to be how they're going to be no matter how pissed or scared or stressed or aggravated I become. 

And Cancer did, after all, Pick the Wrong Bitch.

How does the saying go?  Courage is not the absence of fear; it is the making of action in spite of fear.

So, I did what I do in these situations: I had about 48 hours of being pissed/stressed/whatever. Then I sat down to formulate a plan.  The plan was to clear anything unnecessary off my list/calendar and focus on priorities: work, school, and staying fit.  All 3 of those things will help me retain my physical and mental health for the upcoming months.  Of course, right away I noticed two things:

Not enough sleep
Not enough training

Any guesses what the plan will include? 

When the wheels come off the wagon, there is only one option.

Borrow a go-kart.

2 tidbits of wizdom:

Karen said...

Wow - how frustrating. Hang in there. I agree, as tough as you are, it really isn't NBD. Hopefully you will be back on the marathon plan before you know it!

Alili said...

Big hugs to you...want to have a go-kart race? :)