My But Isn't As Big As It Used to Be

I had two major realizations this week: one is that I frequently have the unpopular opinion; the other is that I have weird dreams.  The first I realized when I was the only person to voice an unpopular opinion in a work meeting (I’ve suspected it for years, but only recently grew a big enough pair to speak up).  The second I learned a few nights ago.
I learned a third and possibly more important thing this week, too, but to get to that, I have to tell you about the dream.
In this dream, I saw myself in a bikini in a picture, and I looked AWESOME.  I’ve never looked good in a bikini, not even at 15.96% body fat.  In this picture, I wasn’t skinny – AT ALL – but you could actually SEE my abs.  And I kept saying to someone, “SEE!!! I told you I have abs!!!” (and they agreed).

Now here’s the funny part.  I have serious abs, but they are hidden under fat (I’m not just saying that, I’m serious).  The thinner I get, the more you can see them, but right now you just see the outlines.  Obvious, right?  But no one really knows this because 1)you never catch me showing my stomach and 2) they’re hidden under fat, so you’d have to look close. 

Anyway, in this dream, I looked as fit in this dream as I am in real life.  I was so excited you could actually see them. 

After a while of looking at the picture, though, I started to get super upset.  Because I realized I had abs, but I had no boobs.  (In real life, I’m  . . . more blessed than average in the ta-ta department (not fun on runs), but I look a good bit smaller than I am – so this is a point of contention in real life, too.)

What I realized today from this dream was not that I want to look different or need “work” done or anything like that.  It was that, no matter what happens – no matter how well we do, or how awesome we look – if we want to find something to be upset about or dislike about ourselves, WE CAN.   If you want to find something to be unhappy about, YOU WILL.

So isn’t the opposite probably true?

If you let yourself – and sometimes I do – you can add a BUT onto the end of anything. I lost ten pounds BUT I need to lose 5 more.  I have great abs BUT I have no boobs. I won an award BUT I didn’t get into one of the schools I wanted.  I know everyone has problems BUT mine are so much worse.

I used to have a pretty big but.

Several studies (I’ll go pull the journal articles if you like) have noted that people’s lives go back to normal – if not worse – within the months following a major event like weight loss, lottery wins, etc.  So, research supports the conclusion that, no matter how many degrees or surgeries completed, pounds lost or promotions earned, the person underneath is still there when you’re done.

What does this mean to me? It means, if I’m waiting until that degree comes, or that boob job or tummy tuck heals, or that last 5 pounds go away, or this crisis ends, or I get that new job – chances are, they won’t really make me any happier. 

So, why not be happy now, and let the rest follow?

My dad, as you may know, is a big inspiration for the blog.  So of course, something he's always told me came to mind (which he borrowed from a high school shop teacher, believe it or not): hue to the line, and let the chips fall where they may.

So my BUTT probably won’t get any smaller with all these chips in the picture.  Maybe my but will.

Week in Song Lyrics
There’s Hope, India.Airie

Back in the back country of Brazil
There was a young brother that made me feel
That I could accomplish anything
You see, just like me, he wanted to sing
He had no windows and no doors
He lived a simple life and was extremely poor
On top of all that he had no eyesight
But that didn’t keep him from seein’ the light
He said, what’s it like in the USA?
And all I did was complain
Livin’ here is paradise
He taught me paradise is in your mind

You know, there’s hope
It doesn’t cost a thing to smile
You don’t have to pay to laugh
You better thank God for that

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