Flashback Friday: Remembering a Friend

Re: Boston, Pictures, and Failure

I noticed today that pictures of people and places have a crucial element in common: neither places nor people can take a perfect photo every time they're photographed. There are so many different elements - lighting, position, time of day, mood of the cameraman or woman. If any of these or many of these is off, the finished product isn't terribly pleasing from an aesthetic viewpoint: I made a funny face. It was cloudy on Mount Cheaha. Now most people who see those pictures won't be terribly impressed.

A lot of pictures going through my mind. Boston, The Dragon, snow, Thanksgiving, Christmas, my wedding, covers of albums I've purchased, friends I met online and in person. People I've lost. Knowledge I've gained. I've spent a lot of time the past five years feeling like a failure. My decisions and my luck both haunt me. Why did I do this, why didn't this happen, why is it that I don't have what I really want despite my hard work, sincere effort, and my general decency as a person?

An e-mail the other day reminded me to find something good in all the disappointments I experience. I normally don't pay attention to those, but one of the remarks had to do with complaining about the high utility bill. Instead of bitching about the money it requires to pay it, be thankful that you have air conditioning because it also means you have a house. Etc.

I once wrote:"We are not what we win, but what we dare to play."

The recent passing of a friend has again reminded me of my luck to be able to continue playing. Rest in peace, Ed. The rest of us will keep playing for you.

November 2005

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