When I first started racing, I was far into the Athena category, and around the time of thyroidectomy, I was the heaviest I've ever been. Photos were excruciating for me. I would avoid them at all costs.
Except race photos.
I knew that, no matter how heavy I felt or looked, those photos proved that I was there, doing something healthy and physicially challenging. They proved that, while I wasn't skinny, I was certainly strong.
|First time shooting a rifle . . . I even|
impressed the hunters
Since I have been healthier and training more regularly, and since my thyroid medicine has gotten adjusted, I've lost nearly 30 pounds and I'm only 15 or so from my "normal" weight. But it has happened so slowly - taking over a year and a half - that I haven't even remotely adjusted to being smaller. I still stand next to women who are within my clothing size or weight, wishing I was as small as they are; I still go into stores and try on jeans that are 2 sizes too big before I realize how small I am; and I am still afraid to see photos of myself after they're taken.
|Does this outfit make my STRONG look big?!?!|
This isn't just because I've lost weight; yes, I am inevitably smaller in those pictures than I expected myself to be, and I'm still not used to that. I'm still heavier or "thicker" than a good majority of my friends. I'm still not what a lot of my male peers consider "hot."
And you know what? I don't give a flying damn.
|My eyes are half closed and I look bald|
BUT I LOOK TOUGH AS HELL
This weekend some of the race crowd was holding up motivational signs as they cheered us on. One of them said something like "Strong is the New Skinny!"
I couldn't agree more.