Confession: I Don't Think I Need to Blog to Try to Be Positive Anymore

Today's a rest day.  I worked 9-5 but got home after 8.  Tomorrow is a 3-sport day and I already have water bottles prepped and in the fridge!  Wish me luck.  I've got a lot of things going on, so I'm sure things will be happening like crazy and I may need to swap workouts from time to time.  (Today I inserted my own rest day after 4 back-to-back tough days and long days at work.)

Just 8 months ago, I didn't know how I was handling just working and going to school.  Some days, I don't know how I'm doing what I am, and how all of this good stuff has fallen into my lap.  I'm not complaining, but it sure does amaze me.

I mean, for all intents and purposes, I should be a terrible failure.

I had this conversation with a friend of mine today who knows my story as good as, or better than, anyone on the interwebs.  He, too, faces dozens of obstacles.  So he knows, perhaps better than anyone here, that every day there are any number of reasons when I could easily, logically, understandably, give up.  I could be dejected, discouraged, negative, or bitter - and no one would really blame me. 

As anyone who reads my other blog knows, I've been there recently enough to know how it feels, why it feels that way, and how difficult it is to overcome.

But that's also how I know that it is a CHOICE.  And it's also how I know this: no matter what you do, no matter what you are, no matter what you are up against, choosing to be positive about it will ALWAYS, and I mean ALWAYS, make you feel better.  You could have no job, home, money, or friends - but, if you find something that makes you smile in life (something to reach for, the tiniest thing to believe in) - your quality of life will improve.  And the better you feel, even marginally, the better you WILL feel going forward.  Positivity and negativity feed on each other exponentially.

I'm not talking about being a Pollyanna.  You won't help yourself by blindly believing that millions will fall from the sky into your bank account while you sit on your ass watching soap operas.  And no, being positive won't instantly make everything in your life perfect.  But what it will do is increase your resiliency - your ability to bounce BACK from the bad/disappointing/frustrating/sad.  This is not just me talking out my arse, here - scholarly sources suggest a significant correlation between positive affect and resiliency.

Having it all didn't get me to where I could improve at triathlons and get TA jobs and find an employer that left me alone; neither did losing it all.  You know what got me there? Me belief that trying to make things better eventually WOULD, even in the tiniest way, make things better. 

It was easy to be positive when I had it all.  It is NOT easy to be positive now. 

But that's what makes it all the more satisfying when I succeed.

Stressfest

Every now and then, I have a string of days filled with so many expectations, plans, obligations and deadlines that I eventually have a mini-breakdown trying to figure out how to deal with it all.

I think of this particular occurrence as The Stressfest.

It went down like this: last night I got out of work at 9 and, by the time I ate and started looking at assignments, it was midnight.  There were still 7 loads of laundry on my bed, the B kindly made dinner but the kitchen was still messy, various rooms in the house needed tidying and I hadn’t gotten anything graded.  I had to be up at 7 to get ready for work, and then after work I was planning my workout. Now, I LOVE my 8:30 - 5:30 day at work.  It gives me a chance to work out at night.  Then B informed me that he had booked us for dinner at 6, so I had no option of working out after work. 

And I’ve already had 2 rest days this week, so I was ready to rumble.  This unexpected dinner plan meant I had to get up at 5am to work out.  Ok on race day; not so much on a night when I don’t get to bed until after 12.

I set my alarm for 5; sleep through it; can’t find any of my clothes because they’re all on the bed; realize I have only 2 pair of pants to my name (1 that doesn’t really fit and 1 that has a broken zipper); the shoes I pick are a little too big, but I never gave them away because they’re just so cute I couldn’t bear to do it, but I forget every time I go to wear them; I come home at lunch to change and burst into tears.

A couple hours later, an unsuspecting coworker who always sends out great quotes forwarded me an email with this familiar Thoreau verse in it:

“I have learned that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams,

and endeavors to live the life he has imagined,

he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.”

–Henry David Thoreau

Well, sh1t.  That’s exactly what the crap I’m doing. 

I’m not saying that this completely relieves the burden, but it sure does help.  And that won’t come without some hard work.  Some days I’m going to be tired and have too much to do.  Some days things will Just Have to Wait.

But I’m definitely endeavoring to live the life I have imagined.  So how about we change The Stressfest to The Successfest?