You're Not My Friend.

I posted this elsewhere, but I just feel so strongly about it that I'm posting it here, too.

The biggest thing I've learned from this year, especially with my parents being out of state now, is how important all my real friends are. If I hadn't had my friends by my side, there's no way I could have made it through all of the trauma I've experienced and seem to keep experiencing.

Now, some people seem to misunderstand what it means to be a friend, so let me just clarify: a friend is not neccesarily someone you live next door to or speak with every day. They are, however, someone who'll stand right next to you and still speak to you regardless of what you're going through or what decisions you're forced to make. They're someone who accepts your praise and compliments as genuine and loving because they know that you, too, truly care.

The past year, I've had friends get married and I was overjoyed for them. I've had friends separate and I was devastated for them. I've had friends get pregnant and I was ecsatic for them. I've had friends make amazing PRs at races and I was victorious with them. Some of my friends call me when things are going wrong and we go out dancing and dish about how much we hate men/women/etc.

Not all of these people feel the same, however.

I just want to lay it out there again: I'm showing up for work, friends, family, life, hell even training whenever I'm not too sick to move - AND SOME TIMES WHEN I AM.

And whoever is not showing up in my life, I'm showing out.

So.

If we go out and drink or train every now and then, but you don't talk to me unless I'm buying rounds or making you look good - or you ignore me the minute someone better IS? You're not my friend.

If you claim you're my friend and then you believe someone (like an ex-boss perhaps?) who tells you I'm "a mess and addicted to my prescription medications" (which I'm no longer even taking?!??!?) - you're not my friend.

If something weird happens, and you decide you really don't want to talk to me anymore - unless you're bored? You're not my friend. (Come to think of it, if you only talk to me when you're bored, you're not my friend, either.)

If you ignore my congratulations for your job(s) well done and refuse to be happy for my major accomplishments because you're maaaybe just a litttttle miffed that some day I could be almost as good as you? You're not my friend.

For that matter, if you get upset when I'm proud of myself because it's not about YOU? You're not my friend.

If you're only my friend as long as other people approve of me? You're not my friend.

If you claim you're on my side during a difficult period with someone who's treating me poorly, but then amend that statement with, "BUT I'm really upset that you're making this decision," and then continue to stand up for the person who's fucking me over? You're not my friend.

Oh, and by the way - if you stop talking to me because I made a decision YOU wouldn't have made? You're not my friend, either.

If you smile at me and tell me you love me, but then go home and tell your roommate everything I just told you in confidence? You're not my friend.

If you stop talking to me because "I'm going through too much and you just can't handle it"? You're not my friend.

If you judge me, slander me, condescend to me, talk shit about me, fuck me over in general, and still pretend to be my friend? I've got news for you: you're NOT my friend.

All of you who really are true friends and continue to be true friends through all of this know exactly what I mean, and you all know I'm there for you, no matter what, PUNTO.

The rest of you? Well, you know where you can go.

4 tidbits of wizdom:

Wes said...

Sometimes our friends are floating on a different current than we are. It's hard to understand why they act the way they do. But you are right. We teach people how to treat us. If they aren't gettin with the problem, well, they know where to go ;-)

Tea said...

It's always painful when you realize that someone who you thought was your friend, isn't. It really hurts.

The good thing is that you recognize these behaviors, and you stand up to them.

One day when things go really bad for them, they are going to wish they had stuck by your side.

Alili said...

Standing up in my office cheering you on. I wouldn't mind being your friend-you are fiery, tenacious, honest, loyal and those are only a few of the qualities that come out in your writing. I can only imagine how much fun we could have in real life. :)

Duane said...

Hey girl! Glad you speak your mind! You rock!

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